Posted to Facebook September 7th.
I first noticed it a couple decades ago in an adult education program I was attending. It was a feeling I could only metaphorically describe as holding the reins to a team of 12 horses that were ready to bolt. My arms were exhausted and cramped, but I had to hang on tight to protect myself from losing control.
I came to interpret that feeling as me holding back in my life. Why holding back? Well, it is not unusual for us humans to learn to play it safe. It is that protected, guarded, controlled, cautious, 'don't get going to fast', 'beware of the other shoe', 'if you get too happy it is just a farther distance to fall' essence that comes from fear, and keeps us smaller than who we really are.
I have recently revisited that essence/metaphor and recognize that I have still been holding the reins, however, now it is just a four horse team. My arms have not been as tired, but I have still felt the need to keep the reins in my hands.
Today, as I sit with this team, I can feel that there is nothing to worry about or fear, they are not going to bolt. And neither do I need to concern myself with them stopping, or becoming too lazy, where I would need to get out the whip. I get that all is well here -- I can just drop the reins.
LOP is letting go of protecting myself and allowing me to be who I really am.