As my sister and I were growing up, and learning about relationships, I must have heard our mom say to us a thousand times, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I am sure Mom was wanting for us to learn how to treat each other kindly, however, the wisdom within that saying has unfolded for me as time has gone on.
Perhaps, for many of us, the person who can drag us off into the bushes the most is ourselves. It's not intentional, we really are trying to feel good, we really do want to see our answers. We are probably just relying on a habit that does not work very well.
I had thought the "if I can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" motto was for my sister's benefit, but really it was for me. I want to get beyond using any of my moments for being right about what I don't want, justifying them, explaining them, or using them for comic relief, and get to what I do want. I want to catch myself when I am about to say something that is more of what I don't want and, "don't say anything at all," or use that time to explain what I do want.
Go figure, Mom was right!