A Tribute to Mary Ann Harpham

On Sunday June 25^th, 2017 Mary Ann Harpham passed away peacefully after a high spirited, comfortable few years with cancer.

Since the passing of her husband, Harry Harpham, in 2013 she and her daughter Sandi Harpham lovingly shared this part of her life together.  She was also supported by and shared camaraderie with her eldest daughter Shan Harpham and her son’s-in-law Warren Woodcox and Roger Murray.

Mary Ann’s loves were time with family and friends, McDougall United Church Sunday School, her music, cruising all over the world, and chocolate.  She never lost her farm girl tenacity and was an example of unconditional love.

The following is the tribute I shared at her Celebration of Life Service:

"Three and half years ago I had the chance to stand here and share the things I appreciated about my dad because I felt that was the best way to share who he really was.  And I am honored today to be able to do the same for my mom.

I appreciate that she was my Kindergarten Sunday School teacher, right here at McDougall, and that she was the one who taught me that God is Love.

I appreciated that long before all the do-it-yourself and design shows that are on TV today, Mom was doing it herself and designing.  For example, she redesigned her kitchen twice and did things like measure her pots so that the pot drawer was the right size, and she engineered changing the access of a difficult to reach area in the kitchen to an easy to reach area in the back entrance.

I appreciate how important education was to her.  As a college business instructor, she was the one who taught me how to type, something I use everyday.  And Shan and I both appreciate all the hours she tag-teamed with us proofing and typing our university reports and essays.

I appreciate that she had an unshakable belief in me.  Even when I was in some dark places in my life, she still saw my light and believed in who I really am.

I appreciate how she taught me that women can do whatever they want.  One year before Father’s Day, when Dad was on a trip down east for work, Mom decided it was time for Dad to have some shelving in the garage.  She got some lumber and a hammer and nails and just built it. 

I appreciate that the kids in the neighborhood were important to her as well and were included right along with Shan and me.  We had carrot scrubbing bees where we were paid a dime for a bucket of clean garden carrots.  And, she was chauffeur for all of us during bus strikes, social outings and times of need.

I appreciate that I could trust her implicitly.  Once, in my later teens, I remember getting myself stranded at the edge of town, with people I didn’t really want to be with.  I always knew it was O.K. to call her, so even though it was in the wee hours of the morning I called and gave the vague directions that I was in a house somewhere out past 34th Avenue.  Somehow, not to long after that, she was there to get me.  To this day I don’t know how she did it.

I appreciate that Christmas present wrapping was a creative endeavour to her and every year numerous boxes all organized with ribbons and bows and paper would come out and the den downstairs would become off limits while she made each parcel a one of a kind work of art.

I appreciate that she became known as Mrs. Click.  Earlier in my childhood Dad was the photographer, but at some point, Mom got a great camera and she became unstoppable.  She did not hesitate to take numerous shots of the same thing to ensure she got one good one.  The dozens of roles of film she would take on a cruise became her material for another creative endeavour of hers which was to create an album commemorating an occasion. 

I appreciate that I never felt judged or wrong for some of the not so traditional decisions I made in my life.  Whether it was what she believed in or not she would support us fully, which sometimes meant convincing Dad not to express his opinion about it.  And it wasn’t just us that she didn’t judge, I do not ever recall her passing judgement on anyone.

I appreciate that her advice was simple.  When a young me asked her how one knows when they want to marry, her answer was, “You’ll just know.”  It was an extremely annoying answer at the time, but it turned out to be so profoundly true.

I appreciated her farm girl tenacity and independence.  She was not a person that accepted “no” when she had put her mind to doing something.  Mom told a story of when she was little and her parents had gone away somewhere and she had decided she was going to paint one of the bedrooms as a surprise.  And so, she did, and yes, her parents were surprised.

I appreciate that Mom was the queen of organization and detail.  I grew up thinking that the world was organized because I was under her domain – “everyone had wet and dry garbage cans in their kitchens, right?”  As an adult, I realized that her skill level and ability to categorize and organize was not the norm. There were decorations at every occasion and holiday.  There was color coordination of every outfit and towel.  Dinner parties were fit for a king, and her packing for cruises was a puzzle in a suitcase. 

I appreciate the words of Mom’s friend, who has been as close as a sister to her.  She described Mom as down to earth, and practical.  That Mom knew what life was all about.  She took the bad with the good and handled it well.  She didn’t run away from anything.

I appreciate that Mom knew how to laugh.  In my minds eye, there is the everlasting picture of her tossing her head back and letting out a genuine, heartfelt burst of joy.  Whether it was sitting in the oncologist’s office at the Cross or having coffee with a friend, her joy could catch people’s attention and draw them in.

I appreciate that one of her favorite sayings to Shan and me when we were young and not seeing things eye to eye was, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”  The depth of the wisdom behind those words has continued to unfold throughout my life.

I appreciate that she had the ability to be both very hands-on and classy.  She could dig in the garden or model diamonds; role up her sleeves and build something or shine at a formal occasion.

I appreciate what a great family manager she was.  And I appreciate what an effective team her and Dad made.  I know Dad’s appreciation of her, and all that she did, was unquantifiable.  He would tell her, “You are my angel.”

I appreciate how positive she always was.  One of her favorite sayings was “this too shall pass.”  Whining or complaining was not in her.  She chose to focus on the good even when given a terminal diagnosis.

I appreciate how great she did during her treatments at the Cross, so much so that at times it left some of the staff wondering what was going on.  And I appreciate that her illness only really interfered with her life during the last few months.

I appreciate how she expressed her appreciation of all of us.  Whether it was to those that helped in the Sunday School, or for the two great sons she inherited, or for the care givers that helped her through her last months of life.  She was thankful for us all.

And finally, I appreciate that I got to learn about unconditional love from one of the best.  I will do my best to practice what you taught me Mom.  I appreciate you, and I am so proud that you were my mom.  As Shan would say to her at the end of her visits, “You are my hero"."