The last couple years I have been watching my unfolding realizations of how I have used, and still use, the habit of protection. Why would I use beliefs and behaviors of protection? To be safe from things I don't want. A way to stay in control.
Initially I think I started practicing it to keep me safe from becoming depressed again -- I had promised myself I would never, ever let that happen. Then as I began remembering who I really was I started using protection to hide the real me from others because I feared that they would not accept me (I had enough of that while I was depressed). I went into protection mode because I didn't think others could hear or understand the things I was experiencing on the upward spiral, and they would think I was weird. Then I started protecting myself from people and situations where I felt it was not possible, or very difficult, for me to stay on the upward spiral -- which is more of a statement about me and my ability than about someone or something else. And finally, I have used protection to keep me safe from the imagined velocity I might experience if I just let go and allowed the momentum of who I really am to flow -- that has felt unbearably out of control.
So, here's the thing. Through all of that, while I was thinking I was keeping myself safe and secure, the mindset of protection has also been getting in my way, holding me back from being who I really am -- which is what I've been after this whole time. So, the very thing I have been doing to allow me to be more of WIRA is keeping me from being more of WIRA. Crazy huh! It can feel like a tug-of-war. A part of me wanting to let go, be open, and flow, and another part wanting to stay safe and in control and accepted. At one point in my life I described it as feeling like I was trying to hold back on the reins of a team of twelve horses . . . it's exhausting, disappointing, and a lot of going nowhere because the natural energy of life is to move forward.
LOP is not about protection and control, it is about trusting, being open, and allowing the natural flow.
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