Living On Purpose (LOP) is remembering, believing in, and expressing who we really are. This blog is the sharing of the moment by moment experience of practicing Living On Purpose . . . because we all want to feel good.
Posted to Facebook September 5th, 2021
Heard this the other day. Just thought it was a really great reminder to chill out.
Thanks Kim! Rock On! : )
Go for a Soda -- Kim Mitchell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oq-7PJ4wug
Time is about clocks and schedules.
Timing is about the balance and rhythm and flow of life.
Both are valuable, but for most of us, we would be doing ourselves a favour if we practiced more timing and less time.
Posted to Facebook June 15th, 2021
I know I go on and on about being on the upward spiral and I also know that sometimes that idea just feels too farfetched and way out there. So at times it is better to just aim for finding relief. The tripping point here can be how we interpret what 'relief' means. Relief is the release of the pressure from the heaviness of the downward spiral. From the words of the band Queen and David Bowie, "This is ourselves, under pressure." Many years after my depression I realized that when I put pressure on myself, that is to say I sup-press WIRA, I eventually and literally become de-pressed. So relief feels like the opening of the valve that is holding in the pressure.
We have a number of ways of trying to create relief, but many of them are not LOP. Most of them are more like hitting the pause button on the downward spiral and then just picking up again at the same place on the downward spiral. For example: we can drink to find relief; we blame to find relief; we can go on holidays and find some relief; we can go into micromanagement to temporarily create relief; we can avoid things and people to find relief; we can push through tough times to find relief; we can band together in groups to find relief; and we even sometimes choose to think less of ourselves to avoid conflict and find relief. None of these have a huge success rate at leading us to the upward spiral, because although we may have stopped adding to the pressure temporarily, we haven't really opened the valve to release the pressure. With that said, temporarily hitting the pause button on the downward spiral for a well needed break, can feel really good as well.
But you know what I am going to say don't you, LOP is more than just taking a break from the downward spiral (that's mediocrity), it's about being able to release the pressure enough that we begin to move towards the upward spiral. So how do I create a snippet of relief to get the ball rolling? Perhaps one of the easiest and most effective ways is to appreciate. Not a new concept. Many have written and spoken about it, but it may seem pretty airy fairy from where you stand at times -- so maybe we can tweak it a bit so it is more useful.
First, I am not meaning that you try and appreciate what you are worried or frustrated or overwhelmed about. I am not talking about only appreciating when our problems are solved and life is going smoothly. I am not talking about faking appreciation. I am not talking about thinking less of ourselves or beating ourselves up because we are not feeling appreciative. And, I am not talking about appreciating what others appreciate. I am meaning to truly find a thought . . . something . . . anything for which you have even a smidgeon of appreciation that can begin the relief. Start small or with simple things, with things you already have, with things that perhaps you take for granted, but when you spend a moment to focus on it you can see the value it has added to your life. And then use that to find something that creates a bit more relief and so on, and so on.
What you can honestly appreciate today will be unique to you and this moment, so the following is an example only. You are required to find your own appreciations to truly create relief. So, for today and right now, this is what I might say/write (remember, writing can be a good way to help you focus).
I appreciate that the solar system does what it does without any help from me and has done so long before I got here and will continue to do so long after I leave.
I appreciate that when my eyes opened this morning my heart was still pumping and I was still breathing. I appreciate I didn't worry about it and have to manage it all night and instead was able to get some sleep.
I appreciate my comfy bed, that water flows from my faucet when I turn it on, and that I have chairs with backs on them (can you tell I have recently returned from backpacking? LOL).
I appreciate that I get to have my morning granola and coffee. I appreciate that day after day I still look forward to and enjoy them both.
I appreciate that I have a body, and although it is not 'perfect', overall it serves me extremely well. I appreciate that there are so many more cells working really well than not well. I appreciate that they know what they are doing, and have been doing it my whole life.
I appreciate that all that I can do, or need to do today, is put one foot in front of the other. I appreciate that expecting anything more than that is ridiculous. I appreciate that I have places to go and things to do, but more importantly I appreciate I have a day of life to live.
I appreciate the sun that shines in my window and I appreciate the rain we have recently received too. I appreciate the balance and variety they create. I appreciate getting outside with the sun, and I appreciate staying inside and reading a book when it rains.
I appreciate the contrast from brown to green that spring provides, and that the trees are in full bloom. I appreciate hearing the singing of the birds, and I love it when I have an encounter with a coyote or dear or a woodpecker when I am out hiking.
I appreciate that I know what I do know, that I can do what I can do, and that I can love what I love, and that I have fond memories of so many of those things.
I appreciate that I have family and friends and things that I honestly enjoy. And I appreciate that I have found some things to appreciate, and that appreciating what is, is enough.
I am not saying those are going to be your words of appreciation to create relief, and I know that getting started can be the biggest step. But I also know with some deliberate focus there are things in your awareness you can find to appreciate and create some genuine, upward spiral producing relief. And I know with setting the intention of just finding a bit more relief, your day is going to feel better. And I know that this experience of feeling better has a momentum to it and that it will become apparent to you as you find small things to appreciate.
LOP is one moment of relief after another.
Posted to Facebook May 21st, 2021
We can probably all relate to times in the day when we are at a decision point. Most are easy and habitual because we have been there before. But then sometimes there are those decisions that are difficult and more challenging because they are new. We catch ourselves being annoyed or impatient or worried trying to make a decision. It might even keep us up at night as we run through all the possible scenarios. We often turn to others because we become so muddled in our own heads. And I get that, I've been there many times myself. But what I have realized is none of that is LOP. A LOP decision, which comes from the upper spiral, feels like receiving an idea/answer, while making a decision from the downward spiral feels like working hard at trying to figure something out.
So, lets talk more specifics. A habitual decision, doing what we have always done before, is convenient and most likely easier. And honestly, numerous decisions in our day can stay in the habitual zone. But sometimes we are ready for a new decision, and when that time comes we may default to what we have always done before, even if it doesn't feel very good or isn't what we really want. We may choose to go with what we have always done before because at least it will be done/taken care of/out of our way. If a habitual decision is leaving you feeling flat and dissatisfied it is no longer to your benefit -- even if you are getting a short term pop of satisfaction from completing something.
Turning to others to help us make a decision can be helpful if they are on the upward spiral and we find it easy to get on the upward spiral when we are around them. However, when we involve others it can be easy to get dragged off in the bushes and make someone else's perspective more important than our own. Keeping the decision making process to ourselves can be easier in the long run until we become really solid and stable with it.
When we do pro and con lists (reasons why a decision is a good idea and a bad idea), whether it is an actual list on paper or when we turn something over and over in our minds, it is actually us going back and forth, back and forth. Upward spiral, downward spiral, upward spiral, downward spiral. That's referred to as 'splitting our energy', and it is usually what we are doing when we are feeling stuck in a rut, or torn.
However, when we say to ourselves, "I have a bright idea!" that could very well be an upward spiral idea that will lead you to the next step in making your upward spiral decision. When we call something an 'AHA! moment' that could very well be the upward spiral answer you are looking for. When you feel like a thought has come "out of the blue" that could very well be an upward spiral decision sneaking in when you weren't trying to work hard at figuring it out.
You may have heard stories of how great inventions, music, or ideas have come to people while they worked in a patent office, spent time alone in nature, or had a shower. Could this be because we are better able to receive upward spiral ideas/decisions when we are relaxed and open? Whatever you call upward spiral ideas and decisions you will recognize them because they feel invigorating and rejuvenating which is very different from the exhaustion of trying to figure something out.
Being our genius self is receiving our genius self.
Well, that's it for now. There are many more questions and concepts I have pondered over the years that I have included in each of the three parts of the LOP Journal, but that is it in a nutshell. I have had so much fun finding the words to share these summaries with you. I realize that for some, in some parts, it may have created more questions than answers and that's O.K. -- me too. Actually that is perfect. Life is not about arriving somewhere and then never budging from it. It is a continual expansion of more. More questions, more answers, more questions, more answers, more questions, . . .
These three parts describe what I have found works for me in this journey of life. Continually clarifying what I prefer/what is most important to me/who I really am. Continually updating my beliefs so that I am up to speed with WIRA. And, continually following my inspirations from the upward spiral. It doesn't mean I don't end up on the downward spiral at times -- that's just more good guidance and clarity. All of this is called life, but it is a life on purpose, not one by accident.
With that said, even more important than these posts outlining some concepts of what LOP is for me, they are a sharing for anyone who may have ever felt that there must be more to life than mediocrity. I just wanted to let you know that there is a cheerleader out here saying, "YES! YES! YES! Life beyond mediocrity is real."
I sincerely wish you lots of living, loving, and laughing along the way as you remember, believe in and express WYRA. And I look forward to the natural, beneficial consequences we will all experience as you share the brilliance of your genius self.
O.K., so maybe I lied. I know I said last time that Part II was my favorite part, but actually I think this is my favorite part. For me this is where we experience what I believe Abraham Maslow was referring to as 'peak experiences' or what Joseph Campbell called 'following your bliss'. It is the joyous experience of life as I ride the momentum of the upward spiral. It is the recognizing and trusting of the inspirations I get when I am on the upward spiral.
So, let me back up a bit and piece this together. Last week was about believing in what feels good/WIRA, because the more I believe in WIRA, the more I am on the upward spiral. This post continues from there because the more I am on the upward spiral the more ideas/inspirations I will have about the things I want to do that are in alignment with WIRA. These inspirations are the true expressions of WIRA; my genius self. There is a natural internal rhythm that happens in life as I get in the groove of following these inspirations.
When I was young, I once asked my mom how one knows when they want to get married. Her wise answer, although extremely profound and accurate, was incredibly dissatisfying and frustrating. She said, "You just know." I am now going to be as equally dissatisfying and frustrating and give the same answer to the question, "how do I know when something is inspired and true for me?" You just know! Knowing is the experience we have when we are on the upward spiral and we are solid about a decision, a direction, an idea, and we no longer need to turn to others for agreement because we recognize it is authentic for us -- it is WWRA. We just know it is true for us.
The catch here is we need to be on the upward spiral. Most of us make decisions and take action in our life in order to move from the downward spiral to the upward. That is backwards. LOP is about switching that around. LOP is about getting to the upward spiral first (which is what we practiced last time), and then trusting the decisions and actions that organically arise/are inspired from that perspective. That's how I know you won't eat everything in site and just sit on the couch all day if you follow the preferences of WYRA, because doing those things long term are not from the upward spiral, they are an example of being on the downward spiral trying to get to the upward spiral.
The 'miracle' in this (it's not a miracle, it just sometimes feels like it) is realizing the choices I make from the downward spiral are completely different from the ones I make from the upward spiral. My perception of a situation turns 180 degrees. The choices I make from frustration just create more frustration, and the choices I make from curiosity or excitement or love create more curiosity and excitement and love. My work is not to figure out what to do to feel better, my work is to feel better (be on the upward spiral) so I will just know what to do.
The tripping point here can be what I refer to as "Essence Versus Form" in the LOP book (chapters 7-12). I can get to the upward spiral. I can feel the fun momentum of it and the inspirations are flowing. But sometimes I can mistakenly get locked onto the form of it (how I think it should be) versus the essence of it (being on the upward spiral). Because I am focused on the form I lose my way/guidance/good feeling and start heading down the spiral. If I don't catch it I can turn into a control freak and try and make the form/goal happen, which never works because it was never about the form, it was about the essence. But the answer is always the same. 1. Remember what I prefer/WIRA. 2. Find the thoughts and beliefs that support WIRA which moves me towards the upward spiral. 3. Listen to and trust the flow of the inspirations.
So, this week we are going to practice baby step inspirations. I define a baby step inspiration as something that feels like a whole lot of fun and that I can do today, tomorrow, or within the next week. First ensure you are feeling good -- you are on the upward spiral. Then make it easy for yourself and pick simple things, things that won't take very long, or things that really don't seem to matter in the big picture of life. Just make sure that you pick things that you love, that perhaps feel playful, maybe something you have enjoyed in your past, and then spend a little time in that activity. Watch that you don't turn this exercise into a 'have to', another obligation on an already very long list of things you think you should be doing. Be aware of becoming like a dog on a bone and not setting it down when it no longer feels good. If not one true inspiration/baby step comes to mind all week that's fine too. Just be honest with yourself.
Grab your paper and jot down any baby steps that come to mind right now, if there are any. (eg. I'd like to go for a walk, watch my favorite movie, connect with a dear friend, read a book, have a glass of my favorite wine.). If you are inspired, pick one of them to follow right now and see how it goes. Was it really fun and exciting or were you just trying to complete the exercise? Did some of your other beliefs get too loud in your head about what you should be doing? Did you immediately end up back on the downward spiral? Whatever happens as you take your inspired baby steps, no worries. Be kind and gentle about the whole thing, this is the practice, this is LOP.
Part III is the area that provides the most practice for me right now. It takes practice to recognize what I prefer (Part I), it takes practice to get really good at recognizing the upward from the downward spiral (Part II). It also takes practice to trust the inspirations (Part III). It takes practice to be in the flow of what sometimes can become a fast moving river/momentum. But for me, there is nothing more satisfying than playing around with clarifying WIRA/what is most important to me, and moving in the direction of it to see what is going to inspire me next. One inspired baby step after another adds up to a very inspired life.
Last time we practiced noticing the difference between being on the upward and downward spirals. That is so key because the ability to catch myself as I head in a direction I don't prefer is what reminds me that I can head in the direction of what I do prefer. At times I catch myself on the downward spiral and I say to myself, or sometimes out loud, "I don't want to be right about this anymore." It is a signal to myself that I can choose to stop the downward spiral and believe in who I really am (WIRA).
Part II of LOP is my favorite part. I love it when I can excavate a belief that I have been unconsciously believing, that I now realize no longer serves me, and I can kick it to the curb -- it frees me from undermining my confidence in WIRA. However, the ability to pinpoint an unconscious belief is a skill in itself and something we get better at as we go along so, for the sake of simplicity and brevity, our focus in this post will be answering the question, "How do I move up the spiral when I catch me telling myself things that feel awful?"
The answer is . . . gently and kindly and with the goal of a little relief. We cannot ridicule ourselves onto the upward spiral. We cannot shame or guilt or regret ourselves onto the upward spiral. We cannot blame or argue or fight our way onto the upward spiral. We cannot force or work hard or use will power onto the upward spiral. After my experience with depression I came to realize how sloppy and cruel I had been about my perceptions of myself. My only choice was to gently and kindly choose perceptions that feel better. So how do we do that?
One: start where you are. Be honest with yourself. If you are angry, or feeling guilty, or bored this is not about continuing the downward spiral by criticizing yourself for where you are, or B.S.ing yourself that everything is fine.
All of this looking for a better feeling perception, so that we can be on the upward spiral, is not just for the relief in the moment (although that is soooo worth it), it is how we move forward, evolve, become the more of that which we have the deep knowing we are suppose to be. When I am on the upward spiral and successfully believing in who I really then I am ready to successfully BE who I really am.
Last week we practiced remembering who we really are (WWRA) by paying attention to what we prefer. But I get it, it is one thing to identify a preference, it's a whole other thing to believe in and trust that preference. I too caught myself this week preferring one food but telling myself another is better for me, or wanting to do one thing but feeling obligated to do another. There is nothing wrong with feeling obligated, it's guidance that helps me clarify my preferences -- I just don't want to live in obligation.
As I was writing this summary of the Journal Part II, I realized it felt too big to try and do all in one post (the journal itself has 46 questions in Part II), so I am going to write it in two parts. This one is about noticing the difference between the upward and downward spiral, the next one will be about practicing the upward spiral. So here we go.
In LOP I talk a lot about being on either the downward or upward spirals of life. Most of us can probably relate to experiencing both of these. Being on the downward spiral feels like frustration, disappointment, exhaustion, doubt, or worry. The more I worry, the more I spiral down (my depression taught me that it doesn't matter how far down the spiral I go, I will never find WIRA). The upward spiral feels like relief, fun, curiosity, appreciation, creativity, or freedom. The more fun I have the more I spiral up. The reason a particular belief doesn't feel good/ is on the downward spiral, is because I am trying to make myself believe something that isn't true for me.
The cool thing about believing in ourselves is that if we just don't practice doubting who we are, by telling ourselves things that are not true, we naturally move in the direction of our preferences -- it is as natural as the flow of a river, we don't have to make it happen. The habit of believing in ourselves can become so solid that the things happening around us rarely trip us up. It's like if I called you a truck, you wouldn't even give it a second thought because you know it is not true.
So, here's what we will practice this week. Just catch yourself when you start to feel yourself heading down the downward spiral. It could be you are trying to make a decision that is not coming easily, or you are worrying about something, or you are feeling frustrated with someone. There are two common downward spiral habits that you might catch yourself in. One, you might be struggling between a belief of what you think you should do and another about what you prefer, or two you might be trying to be right or justify yourself about something.
When you catch yourself doing one of those things or just feeling a bit off, trust it, stop for a minute and ask yourself, "Honestly, what is it I prefer in this situation? What is true for me? What feels better and more on the upward spiral?" This can be another great time to jot down what's going on for you. Notice what tripped you up. What are you trying to make yourself believe that is just not feeling right? Having some notes will be helpful for next time when we begin to turn these beliefs around and move up the spiral towards WWRA.
Just like last time, I am not saying this is the time to make decisions, take action, or explain to others what you prefer. Just practice the habit of noticing when you are on the downward spiral and know that it is a good thing that you noticed it . . . it is helping you identify and believe in YOU.
For many of us, we have spent a good portion of our lives being told what we should be doing, what we are expected to choose, what we are suppose to like, until it is such a habit we may have lost what it is we really love. Perhaps we haven't consciously stepped back and asked ourselves, "What do I honestly prefer?" That is living by accident, not on purpose, and it can get really boring and exhausting.
Well, if that rings true for you, I think this is going to be a fun week. Over the next seven days we are going to practice asking ourselves 10, or a 100, or a 1000 times a day, "What do I prefer in this situation? What do I really love?" It could be what you prefer to eat? It could be about driving a different route than usual because you just want to try it. It could be about preferring wearing these clothes to those clothes. Or, it could be deeper preferences around what tasks at work you prefer, what things you prefer to do for your health, or your relationships.
The trick is don't justify what you prefer. Don't tell yourself reasons why you prefer it. And, perhaps most importantly, this is not about being right about why you don't like something else. Just 'admit' to yourself, "this is what I prefer." In your own mind allow a momentum to get going: I prefer this; I prefer that; I really love that, don't know why I just do; what fun this is; oh, someday I am going to do that. Just let your true preferences flow.
The great thing with practicing this is no one else needs to agree with what you prefer, in fact, while playing with this this week, don't tell anyone what your preferences are. Just enjoy this with yourself. At times I have been a little embarrassed with what I have preferred, but once I just admitted to myself that I really, really enjoy this food or that T.V. show, and allow myself to love it, how good that feels, and how clarifying it is to just own that aspect of ourselves!!!
Now some may be thinking, "if I do that I will eat everything in sight and do nothing all week!" Well first, I know that is not true, but second, for this week I am not saying take action with any of your preferences (we will get to that in Part III of the Journal), just get in the swing of being honest with yourself about what you prefer. See if there are some things that you have been saying, doing, and being that are not who you really are; are not true for you; that have been motivated by what you think you should be doing. Notice why you haven't been choosing what you love and prefer. Again, if you can, jot them down on paper and take a look at your list at the end of the week. That will be a fun look at WYRA.
Your preferences this week may not be life changing, but the habit of knowing your preferences will be.
Being hospitalized for depression in adolescence made it very clear to me that what I was doing wasn't working . . . but I had no idea what to do about it.
Through the years, my personal journey, my education in social work, my career in adult education, the writing of Living On Purpose: Life Beyond Mediocrity, and the subsequent Journal, have all been fueled by my love and fascination with who we really are (WWRA), the 'genius-ness' of each one of us, and that life is more about Maslow's 'peak experiences', and Joseph Campbell's 'following our bliss' than it is about the mediocrity.
What follows is a sharing of the learning, and the constant practicing, of me being Who I Really Am (WIRA). The Journal is an ever evolving understanding of what I've found works for me. This accumulation of information started off as a workshop, then it became a book and now it has become a 90 page question and answer journal. With every question I have, the more my experience of LOP continues to grow and evolve. I am lovin' this journey . . . join in if you are inspired.
Over the weeks to follow I'll post questions and ideas that are a part of us getting to know, believe in, trust and express our true selves. They have assisted me with staying in alignment with what really matters to me and I know there will be some nuggets of clarity for you too -- because these aren't my answers, they are yours. If you would like to spend some time clarifying who you really are (WYRA), what is most important to you, how you are a genius, and how to trust what is real for you, grab a journal and come on along.
Here is what the three parts of the LOP Journal focus on:
Part I -- Remembering WWRA. Each one of us is a unique individual with our own desires, perspectives, priorities, skills and talents. The more I have discovered, and owned, those 'unique-nesses' the better I have felt, the better life has become.
Part II -- Believing in WWRA. Clarifying the priorities and perspectives of WIRA in the first part is freeing, however, if I doubt them (meaning I believe other's opinions more than my own), I can end up feeling frustrated, angry, or full apprehension, which leads to being stuck in a very uncomfortable place. Believing in You allows you to be You, and everyone else to be who they are. A whole other level of freedom!
Part III -- Expressing WWRA. As I believe in WIRA, ideas and desires and opportunities begin to flow and my ability to trust and play in the momentum of them is what makes life fun and is what LOP defines as success. You being a LOP kind of success may end up looking different than what you are right now believing your success needs to be, but I promise you, it is going to be way more fun and exciting than what you are now imagining.
So, if you want to join in, you can start now. Grab some paper (writing things down can be a great focusing tool), and ponder the following questions. Remember: Be honest with yourself; be kind with yourself; and reach for the fun of WYRA.
1) Have you ever experienced a glimpse of WYRA? If yes, what happened? How did it feel? What did you know in that moment to be true for yourself?
2) Why would being more of WYRA be of interest to you? Honestly, at your core, what do you want?