Posted to FaceBook Mar. 5th
There are sayings like, "Words don't teach," "who you are is so loud I can't hear what you are saying," "actions speak louder than words," "lead by example," and "be the change you want to see." These seem to say that who I am being in the world is what matters most. It's not about what I say but about how I am being as I say it. It is not about what I am doing, but who I am being as I am doing it. Two examples of people contributing to my life because of who they really are, are my parents.
My years of depression were, I am sure, ones of huge struggle for my mother. I cannot imagine all that she was challenged with as she watched her daughter slide into the depths of the downward spiral. She did so much during that time trying to help. She tried to cheer me up. She tried to protect me from things that she thought might make matters worse. She took me to doctor appointment after doctor appointment trying to find someone/thing that would help. She got me to eat when I didn't want to, she cleaned up after my destructive bursts of rage, and she tried to reduce any stress I might have had. She encouraged me, chauffeured me, and gave me space when I could not handle anything more. But during those years, her biggest contribution, was not about what she said or did. Her biggest contribution was because of who she really is. Her biggest contribution was that she was able to remembered who her daughter really was even when there seemed to be no evidence of that part of me. She continued to know that I was not the depression I had been diagnosed with. She held the light of knowing who I really was until I could find it again and carry it myself. Her biggest contribution to me is because of who she really is -- a woman who believes.
My father has always done his utmost to do the right thing in life. He abides by our laws and rules, has always taken care of his family, and has contributed at his church his whole life. He spent a career trying to create the best working environment for those he managed, and do a good job at that which was his responsibility. He took his family on holidays to see and experience the world. He has always stood up for those less fortunate. He never passes a dog without giving it a pet. He spent hours with us as kids playing miniature golf, going for walks in the ravine, and swimming in the pool on holidays. But all those things he worked so hard to be and do, are not his biggest contribution to me. His biggest contribution is about who he really is. My dad has taught me to think and how to make up my own mind. He has taught me how to have an opinion (just ask my sister and I, we will tell you). Family discussions could become deep and heated, and if you were going to be a part of them, you had to know where you stood. My dad's contribution did not end up being what I should think (which was maybe what he was trying to impart), but how to figure out what I believed, and why. His biggest contribution to me is because of who he really is -- a man who has figured out his truth.
Who we really are speaks so loud it surpasses all that we say and do. So surrender to who you really are -- it is your biggest contribution.
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