You'er One in a Billion!

One of the basic tenets of LOP is that we are all geniuses.  This idea is not about the traditional IQ scores that many of us are use to, it is based on the idea that we are individuals, unique, and there is no one that can do us as well as we can.

I recently purchased a National Geographic speciality issue on the "Science of Genius".  Within it was information on Harold Gardner's research around MI -- Multiple Intelligences.  MI outlines nine areas of human aptitude recognizing that our differences are vast and important.  The aptitudes include: logical-reasoning, musical, spatial, naturalist, interpersonal, bodily-kinesthetic, linguistic intrapersonal and existential.

Although I find these categories fascinating, exploring them is not the purpose of this post, so I will allow you to explore them further if you are inspired.  The exciting part I want to express in this post is how MI has expanded my appreciation of our uniqueness and how much each of us can benefit by each of us being who we really are and expressing that out into the world.

Imagine if a person picked a number between one and ten indicating how much they identified with a particular aptitude, and they did that with all nine aptitudes.  They would arrive at a unique combination of numbers that would be (if I am doing the math of calculating outcomes correctly) 1: 1,000,000,000 -- that's one in a billion, and that does not take into account the differences of where we were born, how we grew up and all the other experiences we each have that make us unique.

Based on the concept of these numbers this means that in the whole world there are seven other people who share the same combination of skills, abilities, interests and priorities as you.  There are maybe seven other people who see things the same way you do, process information the same way you do, would do a job the same way you do, have creative ideas the same way you do.  And this brings us back to the basis of LOP:  if you don't share/honor/remember and express who you really are with the rest of us -- who will?

LOP is about recognizing, appreciating, and benefiting from the differences each of us contributes as we LOP.

Love You!

"Love You!"  A statement we hear and use a lot.  It's everywhere in our daily lives.  It's in our movies and books and songs and paintings.  Some spend much of their energy, time, and money trying to get it.  Some seem to have lots, others seem to constantly yearn for it.  So what are we really saying when we say "Love You"?

Well, "Love You!" probably changes from person to person, from circumstance to circumstance, from moment to moment, but here are some possibilities.  We say, "Love you!" when . . .

-- we are really saying, "Thanks for being the way I need you to be in order for me to feel good."
-- we are trying to make someone feel better so that we can feel better.
-- we see someone being their natural, beautiful, genius self and we have so much appreciation for them in that moment as they share with us who they really are.
-- we are wanting acceptance and love and we think that if we say it we might get some back.
-- we are really saying, "I appreciate what we have together."
-- it is habit and we didn't even realize we just said it.
-- we are really comfortable with the way things are and we want to keep someone from changing or rocking our boat.
-- we are not needing anyone to earn it, we just love because we are a lover.
-- we feel guilty for something we did and we are trying to make up for it.
-- our hearts are so full we can not help but let it spill out to those who are around us.

LOP isn't about judging one of the above as being better than the other -- you'll know if it is right for you by the way it feels.  LOP is about being aware of why I am saying "Love you", and how I am saying it, and if it is really what I am meaning to say, and practicing love the way I want it to be in my life.

Love You!

Where Am I Rushing To?

I was writing the word MARGARINE as a note to myself and I heard myself say to me, "Where am I rushing to?"

I could, once again, feel that energy of trying to rush through/get done whatever was in front of me so that I could get on to something else.  It is that thing that takes me away from/robs me of my life, because my life is now.

So, what was I trying to rush on to?
Rush on to whatever is next?
Rush on to what I really want to be doing?
Rush on to what I perceive will be more fun/useful/important?
Rush just to appear busy?
Rush on to getting everything done because then I will be happy?
Rush on to getting everything handled so I can finally get to what I love and what is most important to me?
Rush on because I don't like now?
Rush on because it is a habit or it is what everyone else is doing?
Rush on because I am so use to trying to justify myself through what I do, and I think the more I rush the more I do?
Rush on because we are so use to thinking "over there" is better than here?

In all that rushing on I am missing now.  And the only place I am ever going to feel the joy, the peace, the perfection, the completeness, the appreciation of my life is when I am with myself now.  Those feelings don't just magically arrive once I find the mate, or the job, or retire, or get that car, or get my 'to-do' list done.  Those milestones in life are all great, but if I don't know how to be present within this moment, those milestones will just be one more thing I rush through on my way to never getting there.

M  A  R  G  A  R  I  N  E.  I was aware and present with the formation of each letter.  I watched my hand as I printed it out.  No better place to be . . . until, of course, I arrive at the next moment.

LOP is practicing  N  O  W.

What's Your Internal Rhythm Today?

A few weeks back my husband and I got in our first, what we call, truck camping trip of the year.  We usually do this in late spring as a wonderful way to decompress after our winter -- so it being later than usual this year, we were very ready for it.

What is lovely about it is it's usually a great time to really connect with my internal rhythm . . . with what is most important to me in each moment of my day.  This trip (probably because it was so long overdue) was a fabulous example of this for me and how our internal rhythm can be so different from day to day, moment to moment.

Day one started off with a pot of coffee and a good book.  I figured that I would tire of that by about noon and be ready for something else.  Noon came and went and I could feel how much I was still enjoying just sitting and reading.  And although there was a little voice saying well maybe you should go do something else now, I was able to let it go and give myself permission to stay in this delicious place of sitting in front of a camp fire and reading.  That desire felt complete about 4:00 PM when I was happy to switch my focus to some activities around camp.

Day two started off similarly, however, a desire to go for a hike soon became prevalent and we ended up having one of our best hikes in that area with the opportunity to watch some black bears at the end of it.  Came back to camp for a big dinner and drinks -- Perfect!

Day three started off similarly again, but this time I was soon inspired to do some editing work I had brought along.  This is the kind of work that definitely needs to be inspired -- if I try to do it when I am not inspired it is garbage.  After that we started to clean up camp in preparation to come home, which can sometimes feel like an unpleasant chore but this time it was quite enjoyable, with a really synchronistic flow between my husband and I.

I have bothered to itemize our activities for each day in this post to share how different my internal rhythm looked each day.  Being in that kind of flow -- or what some call the sweet spot of life or in the groove of life, or what I sometimes like to call the tickety-boo of life -- is LOP.  And yes, I know, having complete freedom to follow our internal rhythm in our everyday "real" life can seem impossible.  But when I listen to my rhythm, instead of getting caught up in all my "shoulds," or preconceived ideas of how things must be, I know my internal rhythm is still there to guide me even in "real" life -- I probably will just need to practice that more.

LOP is hearing and trusting the ebb and flow of my internal rhythm.

The Accomplishment Addiction

I have times, as I practice living on purpose (LOP), when I get suspicious of myself.  Sometimes I catch myself justifying, being right about something, or feeling the pressure to get something done, and then the red flag goes up.  I become suspicious of my to-do list when it is in the driver seat of my life and I am feeling the need to accomplish things in order to be O.K.  I realize that for most of us it is an outlandish idea that the need to accomplish would not be a good thing.  For most of us we have been reared to believe that the whole point of being alive is to be productive, so how could I possibly think it could be an addiction?

The definition of LOP is not not accomplishing things.  Actually, I believe someone who is LOP will probably be more productive in their lives than most, but, just because we are accomplishing things does not mean we are LOP and perhaps that has become our tripping point.  A person who is busy or accomplishing may believe they are living a great life because they can point to all of their accomplishments.  However, as I have glimpses behind my own veil I realize that accomplishment without LOP is nothing more than mediocrity.  It may give us a short burst of satisfaction and relief to be able to pronounce something as complete, but how often is it also a true expression of who we really are?

I realize I may be attacking a sacred cow by calling accomplishment an addiction and mediocre, because most of our world is teetering on the importance of everyone continuing to accomplish.  Our schooling, our world of employment, our sports, our basic services of life are often propped up with many who show up everyday to be productive and to do their share of accomplishing.  But again, I am not saying that LOP is void of accomplishment, it actually has the potential for increased productivity.  What takes accomplishment out of the realm of just mediocrity is that LOP accomplishments come from us sharing our personal knowing/our genius self, which is where all great art, athleticism, heroism, inventions, have  been derived.

I recognize that the addiction of being busy, just to feel like we have achieved something in a day, has become so important for many of us we are usually willing to forgo our greatness just to get the short term fix of accomplishing something.  We are willing to be mediocre because the relief of being able to cross something off our to-do list has become more important than a belief that we might be something more.  But, I am suggesting that we are more than the sum of our accomplishments.  Just as the sun burns hot and bright and because of that a whole lot is 'accomplished', we too are meant to shine and see what shining brightly in our lives naturally accomplishes.

LOP is the gushing of inspiration that looks like immense accomplishment.

Picky, Picky, Picky

I had an "Ah ha" moment a couple weeks back as I was washing my car.  I was trying out a new car wash due to a situation that had not felt good the last time I had visited my usual car wash.  I had come to the realization that my usual place wasn't as picky as me.  Their expectations, attention to detail, and definition of maintenance and repair were obviously different than mine.  On my last visit I had tried to point out what I considered was not working, but for them it was within the realm of acceptable working order.  I left frustrated that they had not acquiesced to my perception of acceptable working order.

Fast forward a week or two, I am visiting a different car wash.  Upon my arrival I see signs indicating this car wash's expectations for using their facilities.  When I entered and started the wash I saw more signs outlining their preferences.  As I used the machines they operated at the level I had desired at my old location.  I felt that the expectations of this facility were neither less than or more than my level of pickiness.

As I pulled away, (here comes the ah ha), I realized that I needn't concern myself with trying to change anyone else's degree of pickiness, I just want to allow myself to meet up with those that are at the same level of pickiness as me.  I know, it doesn't seem to be a very dramatic realization, but it was paradigm altering.

I could feel the weight of needing to change anyone with a different degree of pickiness being lifted from my shoulders.  I could see how I could release myself from judgement when I did not measure up to those who are pickier than I am.  I could be completely happy and excited and supportive of my degree of pickiness.  My preferences of pickiness are perfect for me and there are those that will match my degree of pickiness with whom I will have a really good time.  And, there will be those that are different from my degree of pickiness that I will meet up with from time to time, and from whom I can acquire insight, new ideas, and inspiration, but I am not obligated to play in the same sand box.

But maybe most importantly, I realized that no one's degree of pickiness is wrong, which means I can stop spending my energy on trying to change anyone, measure up to others, or try to figure out the right degree of pickiness, and I can just get on with moving forward with the degree of pickiness that works for me.  A real time, energy, and frustration saver.

If we look around us today, there are arguments flourishing about who's degree of "pickiness" is right.  We are so concerned with getting everyone to agree on the same pickiness we don't really move forward.  It's like trying to get everyone to agree on the same kind of music before anyone writes a song.  We end up with no music, no creativity, and no opportunity for harmony.

So, maybe I will just head out today knowing that the degree of pickiness that feels right for me is absolutely perfect, and I will know it when I encounter those who are the same pickiness as me.  And if I run into someone who is different I can just say, "I can appreciate your degree of pickiness, but I think I will keep looking.  Thanks!

LOP is trusting my degree of pickiness and letting go of the rest.

Words of Wisdom from Warren

"Look for the job you would take if you didn't need a job.  Life is wonderful then.
You jump out of bed in the morning because you are really looking forward to the day."
Becoming Warren Buffett
HBO Documentary
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PB5krSvFAPY

Love is the Answer

Shortly after my Mom died I had the clear realization that Love is the answer.  (I know, I know, it sounds really cliché -- but it was a real "Ah ha!" moment.)  It doesn't matter what the question is -- Love is the answer.  Simple enough, right?  The tricky part is figuring out what Love looks like in all the different scenarios we each encounter every day.

Mom was a great unconditional Lover.  She provided numerous examples throughout her life as to how unconditional Love may look in a variety of situations, and those are great food for thought for me now, but I will not know what Love looks like for me until I arrive at each of my moments.

There are a variety of definitions of unconditional Love.  The one that works best for me is, unconditional Love is the purest expression of me as I am being Who I Really Am (WIRA).  It means that not one person or thing or situation needs to be different in order for me to choose/perceive/feel Love.  And when I choose Love I am well on my way to the answers and solutions that are in alignment with what I really want.  Every time I choose something other than Love I am getting in my own way of what I really want and WIRA.

Unconditional Love could also be called peace, flow, being open, appreciation, joy, awe, surrender, or knowing.  It could look like laughter, tears, hugs, smiles, compliments, encouragement, making lots of decisions, or making no decisions.  And, people often experience it with babies, puppies, at weddings, or in nature.

It is not something you have to force yourself to be, it is something that naturally oozes forth from within.  So, it is not about making yourself be 'nice', patient, or forgiving someone.  It is not about holding my tongue, being a door mat, or disingenuous.  It is the experience of "I cannot stop the immense appreciation I have for you/this situation!"  It is based in the knowledge of, and faith in, WIRA and that the well-being is so much bigger than any mole hill I may be making into a mountain.

Thanks Mom for giving me The answer to all life's questions.  I know I will figure out the rest.

Living On Purpose is finding my answers of Love.

A Tribute to Mary Ann Harpham

On Sunday June 25^th, 2017 Mary Ann Harpham passed away peacefully after a high spirited, comfortable few years with cancer.

Since the passing of her husband, Harry Harpham, in 2013 she and her daughter Sandi Harpham lovingly shared this part of her life together.  She was also supported by and shared camaraderie with her eldest daughter Shan Harpham and her son’s-in-law Warren Woodcox and Roger Murray.

Mary Ann’s loves were time with family and friends, McDougall United Church Sunday School, her music, cruising all over the world, and chocolate.  She never lost her farm girl tenacity and was an example of unconditional love.

The following is the tribute I shared at her Celebration of Life Service:

"Three and half years ago I had the chance to stand here and share the things I appreciated about my dad because I felt that was the best way to share who he really was.  And I am honored today to be able to do the same for my mom.

I appreciate that she was my Kindergarten Sunday School teacher, right here at McDougall, and that she was the one who taught me that God is Love.

I appreciated that long before all the do-it-yourself and design shows that are on TV today, Mom was doing it herself and designing.  For example, she redesigned her kitchen twice and did things like measure her pots so that the pot drawer was the right size, and she engineered changing the access of a difficult to reach area in the kitchen to an easy to reach area in the back entrance.

I appreciate how important education was to her.  As a college business instructor, she was the one who taught me how to type, something I use everyday.  And Shan and I both appreciate all the hours she tag-teamed with us proofing and typing our university reports and essays.

I appreciate that she had an unshakable belief in me.  Even when I was in some dark places in my life, she still saw my light and believed in who I really am.

I appreciate how she taught me that women can do whatever they want.  One year before Father’s Day, when Dad was on a trip down east for work, Mom decided it was time for Dad to have some shelving in the garage.  She got some lumber and a hammer and nails and just built it. 

I appreciate that the kids in the neighborhood were important to her as well and were included right along with Shan and me.  We had carrot scrubbing bees where we were paid a dime for a bucket of clean garden carrots.  And, she was chauffeur for all of us during bus strikes, social outings and times of need.

I appreciate that I could trust her implicitly.  Once, in my later teens, I remember getting myself stranded at the edge of town, with people I didn’t really want to be with.  I always knew it was O.K. to call her, so even though it was in the wee hours of the morning I called and gave the vague directions that I was in a house somewhere out past 34th Avenue.  Somehow, not to long after that, she was there to get me.  To this day I don’t know how she did it.

I appreciate that Christmas present wrapping was a creative endeavour to her and every year numerous boxes all organized with ribbons and bows and paper would come out and the den downstairs would become off limits while she made each parcel a one of a kind work of art.

I appreciate that she became known as Mrs. Click.  Earlier in my childhood Dad was the photographer, but at some point, Mom got a great camera and she became unstoppable.  She did not hesitate to take numerous shots of the same thing to ensure she got one good one.  The dozens of roles of film she would take on a cruise became her material for another creative endeavour of hers which was to create an album commemorating an occasion. 

I appreciate that I never felt judged or wrong for some of the not so traditional decisions I made in my life.  Whether it was what she believed in or not she would support us fully, which sometimes meant convincing Dad not to express his opinion about it.  And it wasn’t just us that she didn’t judge, I do not ever recall her passing judgement on anyone.

I appreciate that her advice was simple.  When a young me asked her how one knows when they want to marry, her answer was, “You’ll just know.”  It was an extremely annoying answer at the time, but it turned out to be so profoundly true.

I appreciated her farm girl tenacity and independence.  She was not a person that accepted “no” when she had put her mind to doing something.  Mom told a story of when she was little and her parents had gone away somewhere and she had decided she was going to paint one of the bedrooms as a surprise.  And so, she did, and yes, her parents were surprised.

I appreciate that Mom was the queen of organization and detail.  I grew up thinking that the world was organized because I was under her domain – “everyone had wet and dry garbage cans in their kitchens, right?”  As an adult, I realized that her skill level and ability to categorize and organize was not the norm. There were decorations at every occasion and holiday.  There was color coordination of every outfit and towel.  Dinner parties were fit for a king, and her packing for cruises was a puzzle in a suitcase. 

I appreciate the words of Mom’s friend, who has been as close as a sister to her.  She described Mom as down to earth, and practical.  That Mom knew what life was all about.  She took the bad with the good and handled it well.  She didn’t run away from anything.

I appreciate that Mom knew how to laugh.  In my minds eye, there is the everlasting picture of her tossing her head back and letting out a genuine, heartfelt burst of joy.  Whether it was sitting in the oncologist’s office at the Cross or having coffee with a friend, her joy could catch people’s attention and draw them in.

I appreciate that one of her favorite sayings to Shan and me when we were young and not seeing things eye to eye was, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”  The depth of the wisdom behind those words has continued to unfold throughout my life.

I appreciate that she had the ability to be both very hands-on and classy.  She could dig in the garden or model diamonds; role up her sleeves and build something or shine at a formal occasion.

I appreciate what a great family manager she was.  And I appreciate what an effective team her and Dad made.  I know Dad’s appreciation of her, and all that she did, was unquantifiable.  He would tell her, “You are my angel.”

I appreciate how positive she always was.  One of her favorite sayings was “this too shall pass.”  Whining or complaining was not in her.  She chose to focus on the good even when given a terminal diagnosis.

I appreciate how great she did during her treatments at the Cross, so much so that at times it left some of the staff wondering what was going on.  And I appreciate that her illness only really interfered with her life during the last few months.

I appreciate how she expressed her appreciation of all of us.  Whether it was to those that helped in the Sunday School, or for the two great sons she inherited, or for the care givers that helped her through her last months of life.  She was thankful for us all.

And finally, I appreciate that I got to learn about unconditional love from one of the best.  I will do my best to practice what you taught me Mom.  I appreciate you, and I am so proud that you were my mom.  As Shan would say to her at the end of her visits, “You are my hero"."

A - S - S - U - ME

Today I want to have some fun with an old saying.  We have probably all heard that when we assume something we make an ass out you and me (Ass - U - Me).  It became a fun little reminder to check things out before saying or doing something (to make sure we are perceiving it the same as someone else), because otherwise it could come back to haunt us. 

But that fun little definition has given the word assume a negative connotation.  This got me wondering if I could come up with a Living On Purpose (LOP) definition of assume that could take us in another direction.

When I looked up assume in the dictionary it said, "to take for granted; suppose to be a fact."  So what could I 'take for granted' or 'suppose to be a fact' that could be beneficial to me and whoever else was involved?  How could I turn something that has the potential of taking me for a ride on the downward spiral (regret, embarrassment, defensiveness, etc.) into being something that assists me in moving forward on the upward spiral? 

So, how about using the word assume to mean I am choosing to see something As Spirit (or Who I Really Am) Sees U and ME.  A - S - S - U - ME

If I use this definition then when I assume,
-- I take for granted that we are all doing the best that we know how in each moment
-- I suppose to be a fact that I don't have to make a big deal out of mistakes that you and I make
-- I take for granted that we are all different and I can choose to honor those differences instead of
   resisting them
-- I take for granted that the goal of anything is not perfection but evolution, or gaining a new
    perspective
-- I suppose to be a fact that others are not responsible for my happiness
-- I suppose to be a fact that it is more advantageous to trust than to control
-- I take for granted that we do better when we are being playful than when we are serious
-- I take for granted that we have more strengths than weaknesses
-- I suppose to be a fact that when we appreciate the little things about each other today, it is
    beneficial for our tomorrow
-- I take for granted that deep breaths and relaxation are healthy for us physically, mentally,
    emotionally and financially
-- I suppose to be a fact that seeing things from a 'big picture' point of view helps us keep our life,
    and what we are wanting, in perspective
-- I take for granted that when we let go of being right we open the door to our own happiness
-- I take for granted that we are better off if we Don't Sweat The Small Stuff (Richard Carlson)
-- I suppose to be a fact it is good to laugh more
-- I suppose to be a fact that we are at our best when we are being creative
-- I take for granted that pursuing what calls us, versus resisting what we think is wrong, is freedom
-- I take for granted that being less afraid to love and more willing to allow that powerful energy to
   flow through me is how I be more of who I really am (WIRA)

When I assume (perceive As Spirit Sees U and ME) I will never be making an ass out of either of us.

Ahhh, it is safe to assume once again. : )