It's Not the What, it's the How

A while ago I heard the Facebook whistleblower, Frances Haugen, say, "No one at Facebook is malevolent, but the incentives are misaligned".  For me this statement held so much wisdom and depth to what we seem to be experiencing in many ways, in many places, about so many things.

A cornerstone of LOP is the belief that all of us want to feel better, and in our own way are pursuing that as best we can each day.  I am not saying all our methods are constructive, but I do believe that there isn't anyone who wakes up in the morning saying, "I want to have the most miserable day I possibly can."

So, as I watch some of what is going on in the world, and I hold in mind the belief we all are wanting to feel better, I keep thinking that maybe it is not the what that we all disagree on (no one is being malevolent, no one wants to have a miserable day) it's the how to do things that we are argue, fight, kill each other over (our incentives are just misaligned, we are not very constructive).  And if we generally agree on the what maybe we will be in a better/less defensive/less protective state when we discuss how we are wanting to move forward.  

So, if we pretend that we all agree that the 'what' equates to feeling good/better/more of who we really are, then why all the conflict?  I think it is because of the different possibilities on 'how' we can get there.  We spend our time and energy defending our 'how' over someone else's 'how', but if we are all heading to the same place (feeling good/being who we really are) does it matter if someone uses the same how as me?  If I really trusted that we are wanting the same thing would I be spending my energy to prove them wrong? 

• Maybe remembering we are truly all after the same thing will help us let go of our need to defend our individual 'hows'? 
• Maybe we could trust more that our 'hows' are as right for us as theirs are for them?
• Maybe when I am fearful of their 'how', it's because I am choosing fear over trust?
  
• Maybe as I get better at knowing that I get to choose how I want to feel/respond/perceive I will be less fearful of their 'hows'?
• Maybe if we decided that it is not really their choice of 'hows' that feels so awful, but it is actually us resisting their 'hows' instead of moving forward with our 'hows' that feels awful?
• Maybe as we free up a whole lot of time and energy for us to move forward with our 'hows' and achieve the 'what' of feeling better, we will understand their 'hows' better?
• Maybe when I resist someone else's how I am actually slowing down them discovering the 'how' that will end up working for many of us.
  
• Maybe the variety of all these 'hows' are the perfect ingredient for creating the harmony we are truly after?
• Maybe all of these different 'hows' were just a really great way for us to learn to trust each other, which is the 'what' we were after the whole time. 
  

LOP is trusting we agree on the 'what' and allowing all of us to pursue our own 'hows'.

"Deviate -- The Science of Seeing Differently" by Beau Lotto

Feeling angry?  Congratulations!

Feeling overwhelmed?  Awesome!

Frustrated?  Fantastic!

Worried?  Perfect!

According to Beau Lotto, in his book "Deviate -- The Science of Seeing Differently", these emotional experiences are all perfect opportunities for us to see beyond the assumptions that limit us and keep us trapped in doing the same old thing but wanting different results.  

The reading of this book has been a huge "Yes" for me.  I've truly enjoyed his perspective about how and why we humans behave the way we do, and how to be more of who we really are (my words, not his).

So if you are aware of experiencing some downward spiral emotions and you are ready to use them to your benefit (as the gold mine that they truly are), I would recommend this read . . . and I rarely feel inspired to recommend anything : )

Excerpt:

"Beau Lotto, the world-renowned neuroscientist, entrepreneur, and two-time TED speaker, takes us on a tour of how we perceive the world, and how disrupting it leads us to create and innovate.

Perception is the foundation of human experience, but few of us understand why we see what we do, much less how. By revealing the startling truths about the brain and its perceptions, Beau Lotto shows that the next big innovation is not a new technology: it is a new way of seeing.  In his first major book, Lotto draws on over two decades of pioneering research to explain that our brain didn't evolve to see the world accurately. It can't! 

Visually stunning, with entertaining illustrations and optical illusions throughout, and with clear and comprehensive explanations of the science behind how our perceptions operate, Deviate will revolutionize the way you see yourself, others and the world.

With this new understanding of how the brain functions, Deviate is not just an illuminating account of the neuroscience of thought, behavior, and creativity: it is a call to action, enlisting readers in their own journey of self-discovery."

Yesses

Posted to Facebook December 29th, 2021

LOP, or living on the upward spiral, is recognizing and having faith in the momentum of my yesses.  These are not the yesses we may automatically think of, and have become accustomed to, that feel more like obligations, 'have-tos', or 'shoulds'.  The yesses I am referring to are honest, exciting, fun, life-giving, tickling, joyous, and sometimes what might appear to be silly or illogical inspirations that fill our hearts.  They are the yesses that are perfect for right now in this moment.

LOP yesses are what we are inspired to from the upward spiral, not the downward spiral.  So, the first step is to get on the upward spiral.  If I want to confirm that a yes is inspired from the upward spiral I can ask myself, "is the payoff for this yes in the future (chasing a condition) or in the now (pure joy of the yes)?"

Once I am on the upward spiral there are a million and one ways to practice yessing my way through my day.  Just remember to take a second and ask yourself . . . 

What's my yes right now?
What's my yes in this situation?
What's my yes to this question?
What's my yes on this menu?

What's my yes about where to park?

What's my yes about responding to this text or email?
What's my yes about where I live?
What's my yes about what I like to wear?
What's my yes about what I want to drive?
What's my yes just for the sake that it makes my heart sing?
What's the yes that I cannot not do?
What's my yes around this situation that has just shown up, that I now have new clarity, and a new more specific yes?
What's my yes for what I want to watch on T.V.?
What's my yes for who I associate with?
What's the best feeling yes in this instant?  

As ideas of possible yesses start to pop into my mind (and I promise you that from the upward spiral there will be an untapped stream of them), I can use some questions as a kind of litmus test to distinguish between yesses that are being WIRA, and what might just be my habitual/routine yesses.
1.  Am I wanting to do this to somehow justify myself/my worthiness?
2.  Am I doing this because I am concerned about how someone else may view me?
3.  Am I choosing this from a place of trying to push/force/control/be right about a certain outcome?

When my answer to any of these is yes I personally get suspicious of myself that this particular yes, at this particular time, has an ulterior motive other than being WIRA.  Which just means taking a step back and ensuring I am solidly on the upward spiral.  

LOP is recognizing and trusting my yesses on the upward spiral and seeing where WIRA is ready to take me.

Happy New Year!  I wish you tons of fun following the yesses of 2022!

Trusting My Success

Many of us have probably been taught to believe that success is about getting the house and the car and the job and the family, and about the number of 'Likes' we get on social media.  Recently fame and fortune have become biggies as well.  The unspoken message behind all of this is if we get all those things we will be deemed successful through the eyes of others, and at that point we will be happy.  

But doesn't that seem like we are doomed to a long road of unhappiness until we reach some future that may or may not happen way down the road? (And don't even get me started about when we compare ourselves to others and there are always those that are more successful, so we never really allow ourselves to be happy even we if we achieve the above list).  As well, you may have also noticed that some people get the house and the car and the 'Likes' and are miserable and stressed out anyways?  It's like their happiness was built on a house of cards.  So maybe the attainment of a certain set of goals is not necessarily a very good definition?  Maybe we could have a more successful definition of success?

A tripping point in the above definition is it is based in the belief that the way we feel comes from outside of ourselves (i.e. when I get these things, and the approval, then I will feel successful, and finally feel good about myself), however, in LOP that is backwards, success starts on the inside.  It comes from how we feel when we know who we really are (WWRA).  It comes from being in alignment with our priorities.  And it comes from trusting what we are inspired to do.  This LOP experience of success is achievable now, not some goal in the future with which I hold my happiness hostage.

As we LOP in each moment, with each baby step we take in our day, our lives naturally flow beyond the experience of mediocrity we often had planned for ourselves.  It doesn't matter if we achieve what others have told us we should be, because we are already living what we were truly after -- a joyous, fulfilled, happy, fun, creative, expansive life.

LOP is knowing that when I am trusting Who I Really Am it doesn't matter where it leads.

Freedom

I am realizing, that by it's definition, freedom cannot be something you get from another, because if someone is giving you freedom, they can also take it away.   

Getting freedom from somebody is like living in the Matrix.  You think you're free, but it is not real.  So I guess the question is what kind of freedom are we really wanting?  To be free, or just live the appearance of freedom?  I cannot even write this and claim that one choice is better than the other (there are those in the movie that deliberately choose to live in the Matrix), because that choice is the absoluteness of our freedom.

As I follow this concept to it's depths I see how we are all free . . . all of the time.  We are free because we are choosing the upward or downward spiral in every second.  I know many may perceive that statement as 'blaming the victim' kind of mentality, but I promise you, I speak it from a place of wanting us to know our power and to have true control in our lives.  I am familiar with the ease with which we end up feeling a lack of freedom in so many of our moments as I have witnessed myself making choices unconsciously, accidentally, or habitually.  As much as, somedays, I would like it not to be so, I have come to know that the only freedom that will ever satisfy me comes when I manage my focus, find the solidity of WIRA, and trust what is real for me.

I am not saying for one minute that I remember my innate freedom all of the time.  I am not saying that I haven't at times wallowed on the downward spiral of victimhood for days, weeks or months.  I am not saying that moving beyond the habit of the downward spiral is necessarily easy, because it does require being conscious and making new choices.  I am just saying that I have come to realize that the only way for me to truly feel free is to realize my ability to respond, make choices, and move in the direction of the upward spiral.

I know there are things going on in the world that some will say, "Come on Sandi, these people have definitely had their freedom taken away."  I understand that, and I wish it not for them.  But neither does it feel good, to me, to look upon them as victims and strip them of their power, hope, potential, and innate beauty -- their true freedom.  When I was depressed it was bad enough that I felt I was a loser, but it was even worse when others joined me and believed I was unable too.  What I needed was others who would assist me from a place of believing in who I really was and trusted in my able-ness.

Fortunately, most of us will never experience the extreme situations that some experience, but we still have our own circumstances where we feel we are out of control and have lost our freedom, (i.e. the death of a loved one, loss of employment, poverty, illness, family issues, societal changes).  But because there have been those who have experienced extreme situations and found their freedom it inspires me to know that it is possible for me too -- their examples show me the way.  A couple of these examples that have always stood out are Vicktor Frankl and his story of surviving a concentration camp in his book "Man's Search for Meaning", and Nelson Mandela who seemed to transform during his imprisonment and returned to life not bitter and resentful, but ready to lead his people to freedom.  The movie "Invictus" used William Ernest Henley's poem, by the same title, to encapsulate his realization.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul.

Is knowing our innate freedom our usual perspective?  No.  

Is it what most are doing?  No.  

Is it possible?  Yes.  

Is it what our world is ready for? . . .  I think, perhaps, we are witnessing all over the world, the yearning of people to know their real freedom.  

LOP is the journey of following the wiffs of freedom to the power and beauty of  WWRA.

Let's Go For a Soda

Posted to Facebook September 5th, 2021

Heard this the other day.  Just thought it was a really great reminder to chill out.  

Thanks Kim!  Rock On!  : )

Go for a Soda -- Kim Mitchell 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oq-7PJ4wug

Might as well go for a soda
Nobody hurts and nobody cries
Might as well go for a soda
Nobody drowns and nobody dies

So we're in one of our blue moons
You wanna have it your way, I want it mine
All this debating going 'round in a blue moon
Makes me thirsty for love

Might as well go for a soda
Nobody hurts and nobody cries
(Might as well) Might as well go for a soda
Nobody drowns and nobody dies

Life seems to be a bomb inside of your head
Well the bomb in my head is love
All this debating going 'round in a blue moon
Makes me thirsty for love

Might as well go for a soda
Nobody hurts and nobody cries
(Nobody hurts, nobody cries)
Might as well go for a soda
Nobody drowns and nobody dies

Might as well go for a soda
It's better than slander, it's better than lies
Might as well go for a soda
Nobody hurts and nobody cries
Might as well go for a soda

Might as well go for a soda
Nobody hurts and nobody cries
Might as well go for a soda
Nobody drowns and nobody dies

Might as well go for a soda
It's better than slander, it's better than lies
Might as well go for a soda
(Might as well, oh yeah)

Might as well go for a soda
(Oh yeah, nobody hurts, nobody cries)
Might as well go for a soda
(Oh yeah, nobody drowns, nobody dies)
Might as well go for a soda
(It's better than slander, it's better than lies)
Might as well go for a soda

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Mitchell Kim / Woods Paul Phillip

Go for Soda lyrics © Mark-cain Music Publishing, Ole Mark Cain Music Publishing, Anthem Mark Cain 

Balancing Time and Timing

Time is about clocks and schedules.

Timing is about the balance and rhythm and flow of life.

Both are valuable, but for most of us, we would be doing ourselves a favour if we practiced more timing and less time.

"Under Pressure"

Posted to Facebook June 15th, 2021

I know I go on and on about being on the upward spiral and I also know that sometimes that idea just feels too farfetched and way out there.  So at times it is better to just aim for finding relief.  The tripping point here can be how we interpret what 'relief' means.  Relief is the release of the pressure from the heaviness of the downward spiral.  From the words of the band Queen and David Bowie, "This is ourselves, under pressure."  Many years after my depression I realized that when I put pressure on myself, that is to say I sup-press WIRA, I eventually and literally become de-pressed.  So relief feels like the opening of the valve that is holding in the pressure. 

We have a number of ways of trying to create relief, but many of them are not LOP.  Most of them are more like hitting the pause button on the downward spiral and then just picking up again at the same place on the downward spiral.  For example:  we can drink to find relief; we blame to find relief; we can go on holidays and find some relief; we can go into micromanagement to temporarily create relief; we can avoid things and people to find relief; we can push through tough times to find relief; we can band together in groups to find relief; and we even sometimes choose to think less of ourselves to avoid conflict and find relief.  None of these have a huge success rate at leading us to the upward spiral, because although we may have stopped adding to the pressure temporarily, we haven't really opened the valve to release the pressure.  With that said, temporarily hitting the pause button on the downward spiral for a well needed break, can feel really good as well.  

But you know what I am going to say don't you, LOP is more than just taking a break from the downward spiral (that's mediocrity), it's about being able to release the pressure enough that we begin to move towards the upward spiral.  So how do I create a snippet of relief to get the ball rolling?  Perhaps one of the easiest and most effective ways is to appreciate.  Not a new concept.  Many have written and spoken about it, but it may seem pretty airy fairy from where you stand at times -- so maybe we can tweak it a bit so it is more useful.  

First, I am not meaning that you try and appreciate what you are worried or frustrated or overwhelmed about.  I am not talking about only appreciating when our problems are solved and life is going smoothly.  I am not talking about faking appreciation.  I am not talking about thinking less of ourselves or beating ourselves up because we are not feeling appreciative.  And, I am not talking about appreciating what others appreciate.  I am meaning to truly find a thought . . . something . . . anything for which you have even a smidgeon of appreciation that can begin the relief.  Start small or with simple things, with things you already have, with things that perhaps you take for granted, but when you spend a moment to focus on it you can see the value it has added to your life.  And then use that to find something that creates a bit more relief and so on, and so on.

What you can honestly appreciate today will be unique to you and this moment, so the following is an example only.  You are required to find your own appreciations to truly create relief.  So, for today and right now, this is what I might say/write (remember, writing can be a good way to help you focus). 

I appreciate that the solar system does what it does without any help from me and has done so long before I got here and will continue to do so long after I leave.  

I appreciate that when my eyes opened this morning my heart was still pumping and I was still breathing.  I appreciate I didn't worry about it and have to manage it all night and instead was able to get some sleep.  

I appreciate my comfy bed, that water flows from my faucet when I turn it on, and that I have chairs with backs on them (can you tell I have recently returned from backpacking? LOL).  

I appreciate that I get to have my morning granola and coffee.  I appreciate that day after day I still look forward to and enjoy them both.

I appreciate that I have a body, and although it is not 'perfect', overall it serves me extremely well.  I appreciate that there are so many more cells working really well than not well.  I appreciate that they know what they are doing, and have been doing it my whole life. 

I appreciate that all that I can do, or need to do today, is put one foot in front of the other.  I appreciate that expecting anything more than that is ridiculous.  I appreciate that I have places to go and things to do, but more importantly I appreciate I have a day of life to live.

I appreciate the sun that shines in my window and I appreciate the rain we have recently received too.  I appreciate the balance and variety they create.  I appreciate getting outside with the sun, and I appreciate staying inside and reading a book when it rains.  

I appreciate the contrast from brown to green that spring provides, and that the trees are in full bloom.  I appreciate hearing the singing of the birds, and I love it when I have an encounter with a coyote or dear or a woodpecker when I am out hiking.

I appreciate that I know what I do know, that I can do what I can do, and that I can love what I love, and that I have fond memories of so many of those things.

I appreciate that I have family and friends and things that I honestly enjoy.  And I appreciate that I have found some things to appreciate, and that appreciating what is, is enough.

I am not saying those are going to be your words of appreciation to create relief, and I know that getting started can be the biggest step.  But I also know with some deliberate focus there are things in your awareness you can find to appreciate and create some genuine, upward spiral producing relief.  And I know with setting the intention of just finding a bit more relief, your day is going to feel better.  And I know that this experience of feeling better has a momentum to it and that it will become apparent to you as you find small things to appreciate.

LOP is one moment of relief after another.

Receiving Versus Figuring Out

Posted to Facebook May 21st, 2021

We can probably all relate to times in the day when we are at a decision point.  Most are easy and habitual because we have been there before.  But then sometimes there are those decisions that are difficult and more challenging because they are new.  We catch ourselves being annoyed or impatient or worried trying to make a decision.  It might even keep us up at night as we run through all the possible scenarios.  We often turn to others because we become so muddled in our own heads.  And I get that, I've been there many times myself.  But what I have realized is none of that is LOP.  A LOP decision, which comes from the upper spiral, feels like receiving an idea/answer, while making a decision from the downward spiral feels like working hard at trying to figure something out.

So, lets talk more specifics.  A habitual decision, doing what we have always done before, is convenient and most likely easier.  And honestly, numerous decisions in our day can stay in the habitual zone.  But sometimes we are ready for a new decision, and when that time comes we may default to what we have always done before, even if it doesn't feel very good or isn't what we really want.  We may choose to go with what we have always done before because at least it will be done/taken care of/out of our way.  If a habitual decision is leaving you feeling flat and dissatisfied it is no longer to your benefit -- even if you are getting a short term pop of satisfaction from completing something.

Turning to others to help us make a decision can be helpful if they are on the upward spiral and we find it easy to get on the upward spiral when we are around them.  However, when we involve others it can be easy to get dragged off in the bushes and make someone else's perspective more important than our own.  Keeping the decision making process to ourselves can be easier in the long run until we become really solid and stable with it.

When we do pro and con lists (reasons why a decision is a good idea and a bad idea), whether it is an actual list on paper or when we turn something over and over in our minds, it is actually us going back and forth, back and forth.  Upward spiral, downward spiral, upward spiral, downward spiral.  That's referred to as 'splitting our energy', and it is usually what we are doing when we are feeling stuck in a rut, or torn.

However, when we say to ourselves, "I have a bright idea!" that could very well be an upward spiral idea that will lead you to the next step in making your upward spiral decision.  When we call something an 'AHA! moment' that could very well be the upward spiral answer you are looking for.  When you feel like a thought has come "out of the blue" that could very well be an upward spiral decision sneaking in when you weren't trying to work hard at figuring it out.  

You may have heard stories of how great inventions, music, or ideas have come to people while they worked in a patent office, spent time alone in nature, or had a shower.  Could this be because we are better able to receive upward spiral ideas/decisions when we are relaxed and open?  Whatever you call upward spiral ideas and decisions you will recognize them because they feel invigorating and rejuvenating which is very different from the exhaustion of trying to figure something out.

Being our genius self is receiving our genius self.  

The LOP Journal -- Conclusion

Well, that's it for now.  There are many more questions and concepts I have pondered over the years that I have included in each of the three parts of the LOP Journal, but that is it in a nutshell.  I have had so much fun finding the words to share these summaries with you.  I realize that for some, in some parts, it may have created more questions than answers and that's O.K. -- me too.  Actually that is perfect.  Life is not about arriving somewhere and then never budging from it.  It is a continual expansion of more.  More questions, more answers, more questions, more answers, more questions, . . . 

These three parts describe what I have found works for me in this journey of life.  Continually clarifying what I prefer/what is most important to me/who I really am.  Continually updating my beliefs so that I am up to speed with WIRA.  And, continually following my inspirations from the upward spiral.  It doesn't mean I don't end up on the downward spiral at times -- that's just more good guidance and clarity.  All of this is called life, but it is a life on purpose, not one by accident.  

With that said, even more important than these posts outlining some concepts of what LOP is for me, they are a sharing for anyone who may have ever felt that there must be more to life than mediocrity.  I just wanted to let you know that there is a cheerleader out here saying, "YES!  YES!  YES!  Life beyond mediocrity is real."

I sincerely wish you lots of living, loving, and laughing along the way as you remember, believe in and express WYRA.  And I look forward to the natural, beneficial consequences we will all experience as you share the brilliance of your genius self.