The LOP Journal -- Part II: Believing in Who We Really Are

Last week we practiced remembering who we really are (WWRA) by paying attention to what we prefer.  But I get it, it is one thing to identify a preference, it's a whole other thing to believe in and trust that preference.  I too caught myself this week preferring one food but telling myself another is better for me, or wanting to do one thing but feeling obligated to do another.  There is nothing wrong with feeling obligated, it's guidance that helps me clarify my preferences -- I just don't want to live in obligation.

As I was writing this summary of the Journal Part II, I realized it felt too big to try and do all in one post (the journal itself has 46 questions in Part II), so I am going to write it in two parts.  This one is about noticing the difference between the upward and downward spiral, the next one will be about practicing the upward spiral.  So here we go.

In LOP I talk a lot about being on either the downward or upward spirals of life.  Most of us can probably relate to experiencing both of these.  Being on the downward spiral feels like frustration, disappointment, exhaustion, doubt, or worry.  The more I worry, the more I spiral down (my depression taught me that it doesn't matter how far down the spiral I go, I will never find WIRA).  The upward spiral feels like relief, fun, curiosity, appreciation, creativity, or freedom.  The more fun I have the more I spiral up.  The reason a particular belief doesn't feel good/ is on the downward spiral, is because I am trying to make myself believe something that isn't true for me.

The cool thing about believing in ourselves is that if we just don't practice doubting who we are, by telling ourselves things that are not true, we naturally move in the direction of our preferences -- it is as natural as the flow of a river, we don't have to make it happen.  The habit of believing in ourselves can become so solid that the things happening around us rarely trip us up.  It's like if I called you a truck, you wouldn't even give it a second thought because you know it is not true.

So, here's what we will practice this week.  Just catch yourself when you start to feel yourself heading down the downward spiral.  It could be you are trying to make a decision that is not coming easily, or you are worrying about something, or you are feeling frustrated with someone.  There are two common downward spiral habits that you might catch yourself in.  One, you might be struggling between a belief of what you think you should do and another about what you prefer, or two you might be trying to be right or justify yourself about something.  

When you catch yourself doing one of those things or just feeling a bit off, trust it, stop for a minute and ask yourself, "Honestly, what is it I prefer in this situation?  What is true for me?  What feels better and more on the upward spiral?"  This can be another great time to jot down what's going on for you.  Notice what tripped you up.  What are you trying to make yourself believe that is just not feeling right?  Having some notes will be helpful for next time when we begin to turn these beliefs around and move up the spiral towards WWRA.

Just like last time, I am not saying this is the time to make decisions, take action, or explain to others what you prefer.  Just practice the habit of noticing when you are on the downward spiral and know that it is a good thing that you noticed it . . . it is helping you identify and believe in YOU. 

LOP Journal Part I -- What do I Prefer?

For many of us, we have spent a good portion of our lives being told what we should be doing, what we are expected to choose, what we are suppose to like, until it is such a habit we may have lost what it is we really love.  Perhaps we haven't consciously stepped back and asked ourselves, "What do I honestly prefer?"  That is living by accident, not on purpose, and it can get really boring and exhausting.

Well, if that rings true for you, I think this is going to be a fun week.  Over the next seven days we are going to practice asking ourselves 10, or a 100, or a 1000 times a day, "What do I prefer in this situation?  What do I really love?"  It could be what you prefer to eat?  It could be about driving a different route than usual because you just want to try it.  It could be about preferring wearing these clothes to those clothes.  Or, it could be deeper preferences around what tasks at work you prefer, what things you prefer to do for your health, or your relationships.  

The trick is don't justify what you prefer.  Don't tell yourself reasons why you prefer it.  And, perhaps most importantly, this is not about being right about why you don't like something else.  Just 'admit' to yourself, "this is what I prefer."  In your own mind allow a momentum to get going: I prefer this; I prefer that; I really love that, don't know why I just do; what fun this is; oh, someday I am going to do that.  Just let your true preferences flow.  

The great thing with practicing this is no one else needs to agree with what you prefer, in fact, while playing with this this week, don't tell anyone what your preferences are.  Just enjoy this with yourself.  At times I have been a little embarrassed with what I have preferred, but once I just admitted to myself that I really, really enjoy this food or that T.V. show, and allow myself to love it, how good that feels, and how clarifying it is to just own that aspect of ourselves!!! 

Now some may be thinking, "if I do that I will eat everything in sight and do nothing all week!"  Well first, I know that is not true, but second, for this week I am not saying take action with any of your preferences (we will get to that in Part III of the Journal), just get in the swing of being honest with yourself about what you prefer.  See if there are some things that you have been saying, doing, and being that are not who you really are; are not true for you; that have been motivated by what you think you should be doing.  Notice why you haven't been choosing what you love and prefer.  Again, if you can, jot them down on paper and take a look at your list at the end of the week.  That will be a fun look at WYRA.  

Your preferences this week may not be life changing, but the habit of knowing your preferences will be.

The Living On Purpose (LOP) Journal -- Introduction

Being hospitalized for depression in adolescence made it very clear to me that what I was doing wasn't working . . . but I had no idea what to do about it.

Through the years, my personal journey, my education in social work, my career in adult education, the writing of  Living On Purpose:  Life Beyond Mediocrity, and the subsequent Journal, have all been fueled by my love and fascination with who we really are (WWRA), the 'genius-ness' of each one of us, and that life is more about Maslow's 'peak experiences', and Joseph Campbell's 'following our bliss' than it is about the mediocrity.

What follows is a sharing of  the learning, and the constant practicing, of me being Who I Really Am (WIRA).  The Journal is an ever evolving understanding of what I've found works for me. This accumulation of information started off as a workshop, then it became a book and now it has become a 90 page question and answer journal.  With every question I have, the more my experience of LOP continues to grow and evolve.  I am lovin' this journey . . . join in if you are inspired.

Over the weeks to follow I'll post questions and ideas that are a part of us getting to know, believe in, trust and express our true selves.  They have assisted me with staying in alignment with what really matters to me and I know there will be some nuggets of clarity for you too -- because these aren't my answers, they are yours.  If you would like to spend some time clarifying who you really are (WYRA), what is most important to you, how you are a genius, and how to trust what is real for you, grab a journal and come on along.  

Here is what the three parts of the LOP Journal focus on:

Part I -- Remembering WWRA.  Each one of us is a unique individual with our own desires, perspectives, priorities, skills and talents.  The more I have discovered, and owned, those 'unique-nesses' the better I have felt, the better life has become.

Part II -- Believing in WWRA.  Clarifying the priorities and perspectives of WIRA in the first part is freeing, however, if I doubt them (meaning I believe other's opinions more than my own), I can end up feeling frustrated, angry, or full apprehension, which leads to being stuck in a very uncomfortable place.  Believing in You allows you to be You, and everyone else to be who they are.  A whole other level of freedom!

Part III -- Expressing WWRA.  As I believe in WIRA, ideas and desires and opportunities begin to flow and my ability to trust and play in the momentum of them is what makes life fun and is what LOP defines as success.  You being a LOP kind of success may end up looking different than what you are right now believing your success needs to be, but I promise you, it is going to be way more fun and exciting than what you are now imagining.

So, if  you want to join in, you can start now.  Grab some paper (writing things down can be a great focusing tool), and ponder the following questions.  Remember:  Be honest with yourself; be kind with yourself; and reach for the fun of WYRA.

1)  Have you ever experienced a glimpse of WYRA?  If yes, what happened?  How did it feel?  What did you know in that moment to be true for yourself?

2)  Why would being more of WYRA be of interest to you?  Honestly, at your core, what do you want?

My Choice of Freedom

Posted to Facebook February 8th 2021

In the book Essentialism, Greg McKeown talks about the difference between options and choices.  He says, "For too long, we have overemphasized the external aspect of choices (our options) and underemphasized our internal ability to choose (our actions)." (pg. 35)  In LOP I would take that another step and say that our 'internal ability to choose' also includes how we choose to perceive, think, and feel about anything that is going on.  When we consciously choose the upward spiral perspective we feel our best, we have the most success, we find the perfect answers to our questions, and it's when we have any chance of uplifting others.

So, I have been doing my best to practice my choice of freedom with a question.  When I encounter a condition in my day that feels like it is on the downward spiral I ask myself, "Do I need this condition to be different in order to feel good?  Do I need (fill in the blank with some external condition you are wanting i.e. the kids to clean up their room; a boss to listen to my opinions; slow people to drive faster) in order to feel good?"  If my answer is yes I know I am being lazy with my choices and expecting others to take care of my feelings for me.  Living that way means I will always be a victim to whatever is going on around me, and that feels awful.  Being a victim to the 'external aspect of choices' is a loss of freedom that I am inflicting on myself.  

If my answer is no, I don't need that condition to be different in order to feel good, then I am knowing that I am the source of my own power and freedom.  If my answer is no then I am understanding that I am not really looking for this condition to be different, I am looking to feel better, and I can do something about that.  When I am able to find an upward spiral perspective without conditions needing to be different then I take my power back, I am better able to access the knowing of my worth, and I am trusting what is real for me -- that is Living On Purpose (LOP).

Now I know there are times when we may really be caught up in believing that something needs to be different in order to feel good, i.e. the death of a loved one, the ability to pay our bills, or feeling alone.  But if Viktor Frankl (Mans Search for Meaning) was able to do it in a Nazi concentration camp, I believe I can do it too.  

LOP is choosing the upward spiral because that is what sets me free.

None of Us Are Being 'Logical'

There is a concept that those who research how we think are calling the "Primacy of Affect" (The Master and His Emissary, Iain McGilchrist, 2009, pg.184).  Basically it says that one's feelings/way of being (affect) are not a reaction to one's cognitive assessment (logic), that actually it is reversed -- the affect comes first and our thoughts are a response to them.  The Abraham-Hicks materials defines logic as something we feel when we find information that fits with where we were already standing (what we were already feeling).

Now doesn't that explain a whole lot about what is going on and how some people seem to be so illogical to us?  It's because they are.  Many of us are running around being 'logical' about things we think are obvious and we don't understand how anyone could see it any other way.  We believe we are basing our logic on facts and truth and reality when really we are just trying to find things that agree with what we were already feeling.  Based on these two definitions, logic is not an objective truth, or fact outside of ourselves, it is a personal, subjective reflection of what we already feel and believe.

In LOP terms we could describe this by saying that we already have an essence or a feeling or an opinion or a habit in regards to everything that has ever happened in our lives, and it is from that essence that we then come to our next conclusions and next decisions.  McGilchrist writes that our "disposition towards the world comes first: any cognition is subsequent. . ."  So where we are on the upward or downward spiral in this moment, or in regards to any particular topic (disposition), dictates our thoughts and beliefs and what we deem as logical (cognition).  So, I think this just brings us back to the old question, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?"  In LOP terms it would be, "How can I be right about being happy (who I really am)?"

It does not escape me that the writing of this post, and all the other posts on this blog, is a demonstration of this concept in action.  If I am to believe and practice the 'primacy of affect' concept then I must acknowledge that the reason that this premise seems logical to me is because it matches my disposition/how I feel.  And further, I understand that the researchers are just being logical about what fits with where they already stand as well.  So, once again, we have the opportunity to take a look at whether we are on the downward or upward spiral (because that is how we are going to experience things) by asking ourselves:

• Do I want to be logical about feeling awful, or do I want to be logical about feeling great? 
• Do I want to spend my time proving all the things I should be fearing, or do I want to use my time and energy to prove that there are a lot of things to appreciate in the world?  
• Do I want to justify why the things that frustrate me are wrong, or do I want to justify what is exciting or fun for me?  
• Do I want to put my energy into convincing others why what I like is justifiable or real for me, or do I just want to have a hoot pursuing the things that I enjoy?
• Do I want to be right about there being right and wrongs to discover and defend, or do I want to see how there are a variety of 'right things', and depending on what someone wants they will be seeing it that way, and their choices don't devalue mine.
  

If you decide 'the primacy of affect' is something that you like/feels logical, I am not saying you are doomed to the emotions of the past, because we are constantly moving up and down the spirals of life.  By practicing being who we really are, we work our way up the upward spiral and then our logic includes more and more of all the things that feel good -- our logic turns to justifying our fun and ease and creativity.

LOP is being aware of how I feel so that my choices of logic support my success and joy.

The Benefit, of the Benefit of the Doubt.

Giving the benefit of the doubt is not something we do for others.  Like forgiveness, it is something we do for ourselves; our own well-being.

I recently had a situation that required believing in a solution before I could see it.  Instead of getting caught up in worry, or blame, or freaking out, or resisting the circumstances, I decided to take a breath and not assume anything that was in the direction of the downward spiral (that just feels so awful).  I found myself being able to latch onto giving the benefit of the doubt.  I found myself bypassing blame, and trusting there would be a solution that was obvious once I had a chance to talk with everyone involved. 

The benefit, of the benefit of the doubt, is that from that perspective I will be able to see the next steps, choices, and decisions that will take me on the upward spiral.  I won't be able to see those solutions when I am worrying, or blaming . . . those reactions and choices are in the opposite direction of my solution.  If I would have freaked out I would have buried the possibilities I really wanted before they had a chance to present themselves.  I give the benefit of the doubt because I will be better able to see clearly, stay in alignment with who I really am (WIRA), with my priorities, and not take a journey on the downward spiral.

Our knee jerk reaction may be to blame and be angry but that's only because it has become a habit of protection (but protection is a mediocre way to live).  A habit of giving the benefit of the doubt can be a natural response as well . . . with practice.

LOP is giving the benefit of the doubt, because it's a gift we deserve to give ourselves.

Covid "What ifs . . ." In the Pursuit of Feeling a Little Better

I am hearing a new term out there -- covid fatigue.  Not surprising.  We have been very focused on trying to take care of our physical bodies, but it is easy to forget that our mental and emotional 'bodies' are going through this as well, and exhaustion with it all is an indicator of that.

This could be discouraging, but a cornerstone of LOP is that we all want to feel good and are constantly doing our best to move towards that, no matter how low down on the downward spiral we may be (i.e. being in blame feels better than fear).  So, this article will be my attempt to practice LOP with covid.

Maybe a good starting place would be to soothe our anger/fear about a pandemic.  I realize that may be a rather large leap, but I am going to refer to the Abraham-Hicks analogy that reminds us it is a good thing that we have sensitivity in our finger tips so we won't continue touching a hot stove and damaging our hands.  Feeling fatigue/anger/fear/grief is the perfect indicator/guidance that we want to stop doing whatever it is we are doing that is fatiguing us.  (Better said, we want to start doing what feels good.)  I would even propose that there is something underlying our covid reaction that was there long before the pandemic, and this change has just brought it to the surface, and that is a good thing too. 

Probably the more challenging step for each of us is clarifying what it is WE are doing/thinking/saying/believing that is not helping us to LOP, because contrary to what we are witnessing in our world, expecting/waiting for/trying to force others to be different so we can feel better, is not a very successful approach.   However, what is underlying for each one of us is too large of a topic for this article, but perhaps what is do-able within these paragraphs is to practice feeling just a little bit better so that we cease burning our fingers.  (If you are wanting to deliberately do some clarifying of what might be underlying for you individually I would refer you to the "Living On Purpose" book or journal, or the multitude of other resources out there on the topic.)  

So, from the premise we all want to feel better, here we go.  Again I am resorting to the Abraham-Hicks material, by playing the "What if . . ." game.

• What if it is perfectly O.K. and right to be feeling what we are feeling?
  
• What if it's a good thing we are fatigued and exhausted with all of this?
• What if we are supposed to be frustrated, angry and wanting things to be different?
• What if everything we are experiencing is perfectly natural and understandable and actually a sign of how healthy and well functioning we are?
• What if this was a good kick in the pants to stop pretending we are O.K. with a lot of things? 
• What if we were able to start giving ourselves more of a break about everything?
• What if what is happening is not really something going wrong?
• What if based on where we are at in the world this was the perfect time for us to consider some changes?
  
• What if this has started a plethora of questions that are beneficial in the process of beginning to look for some new answers?
• What if the pandemics that have gone before helped us to be a bit more ready for this one and this one will help us be a bit more ready for whatever is next?
• What if we saw humanity as like an infant, just beginning to learn how to walk, and we were able to feel more of the patience, understanding, and trust that a loving parent does for their immature, inexperienced, doing-the-best-the-know-how-to child?
• What if we decided to give ourselves a break from not doing everything perfectly and allowed the trial and error process, that all new things go through, a chance to evolve and unfold?
  
• What if we were able to see this as a time to step back, take a breath, and chill?
• What if we are able to find a few things, that we are now doing because of the pandemic, that we realize we prefer and will probably continue to do even when there is no more pandemic?
• What if we decided that some of the "busy", "bigger is better", "be more productive" things we were participating in were probably not really to our benefit?
• What if a couple of things have come to light that you realize are a priority and you probably would not have seen them without something significant changing?
• What if through this, we in our small groups and larger groups, see some areas where we know we can and want to be doing things differently?
• What if because of this those who were focusing on other work have turned there attention to things that will benefit us all in the long run?
• What if because of this some things that were holding us back/getting in our way have come to light and at least we are now aware of them?
• What if individually and as a whole what is really important to us becomes a bit more clear?
• What if because of this there are a few more people/groups that decide they want to work together and move forward into new possibilities?
• What if a child growing up in this time is inspired to who they really because of it?
• What if some of the things we were clinging to, that were habitual and not very beneficial to us, have become impractical or impossible during this time and we realize we are ready to let them go?
  
• What if we begin to recognize the old habit of wanting conditions to be different in order to feel better and we are able to take some of our power back?
• What if we finally get tired of the blame game and decide to give ourselves some relief by reaching for those things that feel better?
• What if those who are determined to put their fingers on the hot stove and endure it are allowed to do so and decide on their own when they are ready to make a different decision?
• What if we become a spec more trusting and appreciative of all our differences, preferences, and abilities and begin to see each other from new perspectives?
• What if somehow we could look in a crystal ball, years in the future, and easily see how so many of the things we are experiencing now became beneficial to our future?
• What if something so disruptive ends up becoming something we can appreciate because of what it did for us?
• What if because of this there is the potential for a bit more love and understanding between us?
• What if within all of this there are answers to questions we have been asking for a long time?
  
• What if within all of this who we really are is shining and becoming brighter.

 LOP is the pursuit of feeling a little bit better in our current moment so that we are becoming more of who we really are in our next moments.

"The Social Dilemma"

I was inspired to watch "The Social Dilemma" a couple weeks ago.  Couldn't explain why, just felt like there would be something in it that I would really like.  We don't have Netflix, so I subscribed and my husband and I sat down and watched it.  Then we watched it again.

For those who have seen it, I know it could be easy to walk away from it wanting to delete apps, shut off notifications on your devices, and resist the world of tech.  But the more I thought about it the more I was able to see, that in there own way, they were really talking about LOP.

They spoke about how our attention is a commodity and that every click we make on our devices, on any of the apps, is remembered and added to a profile of us as something that interests us.  How long we stay on any particular article, photo, video is also remembered and logged as something that is important to us.  They explained how important our attention is and that thousands of advertisers are wanting our attention and paying big money for our attention.  And perhaps most interestingly we are given more articles, advertisements, videos, etc. of exactly what we have told the app is of interest to us.  The more we get, the more we click and focus.  The more we focus the more it seems to be fact/the truth/real. 

What dawned on me is this is what is happening anyways.  Facebook and the other tech companies just wrote an algorithm as to what we naturally do in our lives.  Lou Tice coined the phrase decades ago "we move towards and act like that which we think about."  Einstein is quoted as saying "It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer," which is a statement about attention and focus.  And in LOP I often refer to the upward and downward spiral of life, and how when we get on either of them there seems to be a momentum that takes us farther and farther in the direction of our attention.  

So, whether we are on Facebook or not, we still have an algorithm watching everything we choose, focus on, pay attention to.  Our minds are built to filter and sift through the extraordinary amounts of data we have bombarding us everyday and pick out the data we have deemed important through our attention.

I guess then the question becomes not what it true/right/proven (because our algorithms will support us in whatever we have given our attention to), but what am I clicking on?  Where am I spending the commodity of my attention?  Am I focused on what I want or what I don't want?  Am I focused on being right or being happy?  Am I focused on info that will prove my point so that I don't need to update what I believe, or am I focused on understanding a variety of viewpoints?  Am I focused on winning at all costs, or on all of us winning.  Am I focused on what to fear, or what I can appreciate?  Am I putting my attention towards resisting what is going on, or knowing that solutions are formulating?  Am I instructing the Facebook algorithm, or my own personal algorithm, to collect more information about what takes me on the downward spiral or the upward spiral?

I realize that it may seem easy, as 'The Social Dilemma' points out, to become addicted to what we have already been clicking on -- this is the natural momentum of focus.  We may find ourselves constantly checking our phones and apps seeing how many likes we have, responding to notifications that interrupt our focus, and seeing what the latest information is about someone we don't even know.  We begin to feel like Pavlov's dog and that doesn't feel good, and the reason it doesn't feel good is because it is usually giving us more of what isn't important to us/not in alignment with who we really are.  We have ended up feeling out of control in our lives, but we are the ones clicking on the things that are not in alignment with our priorities.

The good news, what I took away from the documentary, is we don't have to cut tech out of our lives, we are not victims of it, and we do not need to resist what we notice in our lives.  The good news is we can just be pickier about where we focus, what we click on, and where we are 'spending' this commodity that is our attention.  The good news is we are in the drivers seat, we are in control.  The good news is we are not destined to a life of being a commodity or of mediocrity.  We can change the pop-ups on our apps and we can change our perception about what pops up in our lives.  We can go from the downward spiral to the upward spiral by choosing what we click on.  The algorithms in our lives are bringing to us and showing us what we are choosing, and what a great way to get better and better at clarifying what is a priority to us and clicking on that instead.

LOP is about paying attention to what I am paying attention to so that those who are paying for my attention are serving me, what I really want, and who I really am.

Harmony Instead of Sameness

Harmony is the combination of simultaneously sounded musical notes (perspectives/ideas/lives) to produce chords and chord progressions (results) that have a pleasing effect. (Taken from the Oxford Dictionaries; parentheses are my additions.)

I believe it is harmony that we seek, however, we may be believing that it is sameness.  When we want everyone to understand, believe, and be the same as us, and they are not being that way, we want to make everyone else wrong and responsible.  If we choose harmony it becomes our individual responsibilities which can seem overwhelming and scary, however, finding the harmony is what is going to create the "pleasing effect".

I think we perhaps are lacking harmony in the world because we are not being the harmony, the beautiful notes, that is each one of us.  The good news is the lack of harmony in the world is helping us discover the harmony that is within us. We are in the midst of composing a great song.

 

You'er One in a Billion!

One of the basic tenets of LOP is that we are all geniuses.  This idea is not about the traditional IQ scores that many of us are use to, it is based on the idea that we are individuals, unique, and there is no one that can do us as well as we can.

I recently purchased a National Geographic speciality issue on the "Science of Genius".  Within it was information on Harold Gardner's research around MI -- Multiple Intelligences.  MI outlines nine areas of human aptitude recognizing that our differences are vast and important.  The aptitudes include: logical-reasoning, musical, spatial, naturalist, interpersonal, bodily-kinesthetic, linguistic intrapersonal and existential.

Although I find these categories fascinating, exploring them is not the purpose of this post, so I will allow you to explore them further if you are inspired.  The exciting part I want to express in this post is how MI has expanded my appreciation of our uniqueness and how much each of us can benefit by each of us being who we really are and expressing that out into the world.

Imagine if a person picked a number between one and ten indicating how much they identified with a particular aptitude, and they did that with all nine aptitudes.  They would arrive at a unique combination of numbers that would be (if I am doing the math of calculating outcomes correctly) 1: 1,000,000,000 -- that's one in a billion, and that does not take into account the differences of where we were born, how we grew up and all the other experiences we each have that make us unique.

Based on the concept of these numbers this means that in the whole world there are seven other people who share the same combination of skills, abilities, interests and priorities as you.  There are maybe seven other people who see things the same way you do, process information the same way you do, would do a job the same way you do, have creative ideas the same way you do.  And this brings us back to the basis of LOP:  if you don't share/honor/remember and express who you really are with the rest of us -- who will?

LOP is about recognizing, appreciating, and benefiting from the differences each of us contributes as we LOP.