Posted to FaceBook Mar. 22
Lady Gaga has launched the "Born this Way" Foundation, which is about supporting children/youth in being who they really are. A main focus with this topic is bullying, and it is important to Lady Gaga because she was bullied as a child. She has some unique thoughts about bullying, like it's not something you can legislate, and both 'victim' and bully need to be considered when resolving the issue.
This got me to thinking about bullying and what it is helping us to understand. Gandhi taught us that we want to "be the change we want to see" and maybe bullying could actually be helping us become the change we want to see.
Maybe kids bullying each other is just a mirror being held up for us adults to see ourselves more clearly.
Maybe if we really want to get kids to be more accepting and nicer to each other, we as adults need to be that change.
Maybe, if we want bullying to stop, we want to stop bullying in all its forms.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we need to stop warring with other people.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying the Democrats and Republicans need to stop defiling each other.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to stop threatening people with incarceration.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to stop making kids learn what we want them to learn.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want less laws and rules, not more.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to stop criticizing each other.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to quit forcing each other to be who we are not.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to stop judging ourselves as less than others.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to start seeing the value each one of us has.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to start believing in ourselves.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to become so clear about who we really are it won't matter what others think or say about us.
Maybe if we really want to stop bullying we want to share who we really are with the rest of the world, so they too can feel free to be who they really are.
Oh wait . . . maybe that's what Lady Gaga is doing?
Living On Purpose (LOP) is remembering, believing in, and expressing who we really are. This blog is the sharing of the moment by moment experience of practicing Living On Purpose . . . because we all want to feel good.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
Putting It Off
Posted to FaceBook Mar. 19th.
My depression taught me that we all want to feel good. Most of us know this, whether it is conscious or unconscious, and move forward in our life trying to figure out what those things are that are going to make us feel good. But trying to figure out the 'what' of feeling good is actually a form of procrastination, is the long way around, is putting off what I really want -- which is just to feel good.
There are stories of fact (Victor Frankl, a prisoner of the Nazi concentration camps), and fiction (Pollyanna, a girl who overcame the death of her parents and the abuse of her new guardian) that share with us that we no longer need to wait for things to be a certain way for us to feel good.
LOP is not about enduring one's terrible circumstances and just trying to be happy with being miserable. LOP is about knowing that we no longer need to deny our joy or peace or freedom or love until our experience dictates it. We no longer need to hold ourselves captive to whatever misery we think our current circumstances require. We no longer need to justify our happiness through our results, or our in this moment reality. We no longer need to put off what we are really looking for, which is to feel good, because we think it comes from outside of us.
LOP is knowing that I create my good feeling in life, and I don't need to put if off any longer.
My depression taught me that we all want to feel good. Most of us know this, whether it is conscious or unconscious, and move forward in our life trying to figure out what those things are that are going to make us feel good. But trying to figure out the 'what' of feeling good is actually a form of procrastination, is the long way around, is putting off what I really want -- which is just to feel good.
There are stories of fact (Victor Frankl, a prisoner of the Nazi concentration camps), and fiction (Pollyanna, a girl who overcame the death of her parents and the abuse of her new guardian) that share with us that we no longer need to wait for things to be a certain way for us to feel good.
LOP is not about enduring one's terrible circumstances and just trying to be happy with being miserable. LOP is about knowing that we no longer need to deny our joy or peace or freedom or love until our experience dictates it. We no longer need to hold ourselves captive to whatever misery we think our current circumstances require. We no longer need to justify our happiness through our results, or our in this moment reality. We no longer need to put off what we are really looking for, which is to feel good, because we think it comes from outside of us.
LOP is knowing that I create my good feeling in life, and I don't need to put if off any longer.
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Peak Experiences are LOP
The following is a peak experience excerpt from the book LOP.
"I completed my official duties at the Law Courts Building (my placement as a college student), said the last of my Merry Christmas wishes, and headed out the building. It was 5:00 PM and being north of the 49th parallel, our world was already dark and the rest of the downtown folk were beginning their journeys home. However, that night, instead of the usual rush during the "rush hour" there was more of a calm. It was almost like the city, as a whole, was remembering the meaning of Christmas, and people were taking the time to appreciate. Perhaps many of them had just come from their Christmas work party or had just shared a genuinely warm Christmas wish with a coworker. Or, perhaps it was the weather that evening. The city was covered with a white blanket of snow that felt more snugly than a gathering of ice crystals. The air was warm and gentle with just a slight breath of wind that would occasionally brush past my hair and play with the odd flake of snow flickering to the ground. Whatever this gentle feeling was, I could feel the 'Peace On Earth' that is so often described in our prose celebrating this time of year.
As I made my way to the bus stop, I slowed to a rhythmic, meditative walk -- the reality of my freedom (I was on a Christmas break) was settling in. I could feel the appreciation for where I was in my life. My accomplishments seemed to be unveiling themselves to me. It was like I hadn't seen them before this because I had been too busy creating them. I got to the bus stop a few minutes early and looked out at what surrounded me. Churchill Square, our city centre park, stretched out before me with its trees and monuments and benches for people to relax. In the wintertime a skating rink was created and music piped in for that small community feeling. And at this time of year each tree had been decorated with a million little, white lights that sparkled at me as I looked up at them. At that moment, as I basked in the beauty of the park, a wave of knowing flooded through me that would have been frightening if it hadn't been such a peaceful, loving sensation. For that instant, I truly knew all was well, and not just for myself, but for the whole world. I could feel the vastness and the intimacy as one, and if I had any doubts to that point about there being a God, they were dismissed with this wave.
Within seconds I arrived at a level of appreciation never before experienced and yet it felt like I had always existed there. Then my logical brain kicked in and warned me that I better come back to "reality" or I was going to miss my bus. With a flash I was back in my body, with my feelings, my worries, my 'to do' list, and with the gift of remembering and touching that mythical place that I wanted to call Home."
"I completed my official duties at the Law Courts Building (my placement as a college student), said the last of my Merry Christmas wishes, and headed out the building. It was 5:00 PM and being north of the 49th parallel, our world was already dark and the rest of the downtown folk were beginning their journeys home. However, that night, instead of the usual rush during the "rush hour" there was more of a calm. It was almost like the city, as a whole, was remembering the meaning of Christmas, and people were taking the time to appreciate. Perhaps many of them had just come from their Christmas work party or had just shared a genuinely warm Christmas wish with a coworker. Or, perhaps it was the weather that evening. The city was covered with a white blanket of snow that felt more snugly than a gathering of ice crystals. The air was warm and gentle with just a slight breath of wind that would occasionally brush past my hair and play with the odd flake of snow flickering to the ground. Whatever this gentle feeling was, I could feel the 'Peace On Earth' that is so often described in our prose celebrating this time of year.
As I made my way to the bus stop, I slowed to a rhythmic, meditative walk -- the reality of my freedom (I was on a Christmas break) was settling in. I could feel the appreciation for where I was in my life. My accomplishments seemed to be unveiling themselves to me. It was like I hadn't seen them before this because I had been too busy creating them. I got to the bus stop a few minutes early and looked out at what surrounded me. Churchill Square, our city centre park, stretched out before me with its trees and monuments and benches for people to relax. In the wintertime a skating rink was created and music piped in for that small community feeling. And at this time of year each tree had been decorated with a million little, white lights that sparkled at me as I looked up at them. At that moment, as I basked in the beauty of the park, a wave of knowing flooded through me that would have been frightening if it hadn't been such a peaceful, loving sensation. For that instant, I truly knew all was well, and not just for myself, but for the whole world. I could feel the vastness and the intimacy as one, and if I had any doubts to that point about there being a God, they were dismissed with this wave.
Within seconds I arrived at a level of appreciation never before experienced and yet it felt like I had always existed there. Then my logical brain kicked in and warned me that I better come back to "reality" or I was going to miss my bus. With a flash I was back in my body, with my feelings, my worries, my 'to do' list, and with the gift of remembering and touching that mythical place that I wanted to call Home."
Let Him Run
Posted to FaceBook Mar. 12.
I recently re-watched "Secretariat", the movie about the horse who won the triple crown in 1973. Spoiler alert: If you haven't seen the film and you would like to watch it as a surprise, you might not want to read this.
After winning two of the three Triple Crown races, the owner and trainer started preparing for the final and longest of the three races, the Belmont, and pondered their strategy. Should they do what all others usually did and let their horse rest, or should they trust their instincts and train Secretariat hard so that he would be prepared for the long distance and be able to win against his closest competitor, who was a long distance runner.
Training hard was not the conventional wisdom because with that came the risk of hurting or ruining a horse. Most would hold their horse back in fear that something might go wrong. However, they decided to train him hard and trust their instincts, and believe that Secretariat would know what he wants to do.
Race day comes. Secretariat and his closest competitor dominate the race. They are neck and neck most of the way. The owner yells out, "Let him run!" The jockey stops holding him back and lets him go, lets him be all that he is, and he wins the Belmont by 31 lengths.
I believe we are all Secretariats. And when we stop holding ourselves back, and let ourselves run, we all win our Triple Crown.
I recently re-watched "Secretariat", the movie about the horse who won the triple crown in 1973. Spoiler alert: If you haven't seen the film and you would like to watch it as a surprise, you might not want to read this.
After winning two of the three Triple Crown races, the owner and trainer started preparing for the final and longest of the three races, the Belmont, and pondered their strategy. Should they do what all others usually did and let their horse rest, or should they trust their instincts and train Secretariat hard so that he would be prepared for the long distance and be able to win against his closest competitor, who was a long distance runner.
Training hard was not the conventional wisdom because with that came the risk of hurting or ruining a horse. Most would hold their horse back in fear that something might go wrong. However, they decided to train him hard and trust their instincts, and believe that Secretariat would know what he wants to do.
Race day comes. Secretariat and his closest competitor dominate the race. They are neck and neck most of the way. The owner yells out, "Let him run!" The jockey stops holding him back and lets him go, lets him be all that he is, and he wins the Belmont by 31 lengths.
I believe we are all Secretariats. And when we stop holding ourselves back, and let ourselves run, we all win our Triple Crown.
Thursday, 8 March 2012
Balance
Posted to FaceBook Mar. 9th
I am involved in a project right now that has immense logical detail to it. Hundreds of logical decisions, each one with its own ripple effect bumping up against other logical decisions. It requires being mentally focused for many hours in a day. I can walk away from my days feeling like all of my energy is stuck up in my head.
LOP, the book, talks about balancing the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual parts of ones self, and the important role balance plays in remembering, believing in, and expressing who we really are. For example, when I was depressed in my teen years I did not know how to balance my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual selves. I didn't even really recognize that there were different aspects that I wanted to be balancing. Being involved in a very mentally focused project has awakened my awareness of the importance of balancing them all. So what can I do to balance things out?
Being physically active helps me to get out my head. It feels like it helps to draw the energy, my focus, that is stuck in my head back down into the rest of the body. My workouts, walks, stretching my body, are all a part of fulfilling that balancing -- now more than ever. I am also planning a reflexology session, which I have always adored, and that too helps to redistribute my energy/focus more evenly through my mind and body.
For my emotional self I am wanting to remember to ask myself how I feel about what is going on in my day. I want to stay in touch with my emotional guidance system as I am making all these decisions. With so much detail and logic it can be easy to retreat to the mind, but the mind can only keep track of so many details at a time. However, the emotional self will always clue me in as to when something just doesn't quite feel right and I want to take another look at a decision.
The fourth aspect to balancing myself is including my spiritual self. To know what I really want, think, and feel, about something, I want to be listening to who I really am (WIRA). To listen to WIRA I often need to create a space of time and quiet and just shut my mind off and listen. It doesn't need to be big chunks of time off in the mountains somewhere. I can remember Oprah saying that she has sometimes just excused herself and gone to the bathroom in order to create the time and space to listen.
There is nothing like a busy time in our lives, or taking on something new, for creating an expanded experience of practicing LOP.
I am involved in a project right now that has immense logical detail to it. Hundreds of logical decisions, each one with its own ripple effect bumping up against other logical decisions. It requires being mentally focused for many hours in a day. I can walk away from my days feeling like all of my energy is stuck up in my head.
LOP, the book, talks about balancing the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual parts of ones self, and the important role balance plays in remembering, believing in, and expressing who we really are. For example, when I was depressed in my teen years I did not know how to balance my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual selves. I didn't even really recognize that there were different aspects that I wanted to be balancing. Being involved in a very mentally focused project has awakened my awareness of the importance of balancing them all. So what can I do to balance things out?
Being physically active helps me to get out my head. It feels like it helps to draw the energy, my focus, that is stuck in my head back down into the rest of the body. My workouts, walks, stretching my body, are all a part of fulfilling that balancing -- now more than ever. I am also planning a reflexology session, which I have always adored, and that too helps to redistribute my energy/focus more evenly through my mind and body.
For my emotional self I am wanting to remember to ask myself how I feel about what is going on in my day. I want to stay in touch with my emotional guidance system as I am making all these decisions. With so much detail and logic it can be easy to retreat to the mind, but the mind can only keep track of so many details at a time. However, the emotional self will always clue me in as to when something just doesn't quite feel right and I want to take another look at a decision.
The fourth aspect to balancing myself is including my spiritual self. To know what I really want, think, and feel, about something, I want to be listening to who I really am (WIRA). To listen to WIRA I often need to create a space of time and quiet and just shut my mind off and listen. It doesn't need to be big chunks of time off in the mountains somewhere. I can remember Oprah saying that she has sometimes just excused herself and gone to the bathroom in order to create the time and space to listen.
There is nothing like a busy time in our lives, or taking on something new, for creating an expanded experience of practicing LOP.
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
No Help Thank You
We are taught that 'good' people help people, and I would agree that someone LOP naturally helps/inspires others. However, sometimes what we call 'help' may actually be more like 'rescue'. We see someone headed for what we judge as a not so good outcome and we try to avert it so that they can feel better (and quiet often so that we can feel better). And so my question is, might we be robbing this person of an opportunity to succeed?
I heard James Cameron, creator of the movies 'Titanic' and 'Avatar', say that he is thankful he was not helped, not given a hand up (I think he was referrring to when he was a kid and a young adult). He could see how not being helped had made him rely on himself, had forced him to believe in himself, had given him the opportunities to try on his own and experience successes.
Maybe having the opportunity to figure something out can lead to me feeling good about me. Maybe me feeling good about me can lead to believing in myself more. Maybe believing in myself more gives me the confidence to trust who I really am (WIRA). Maybe trusting in WIRA helps me hear the unique expression of me. Maybe the unique expression of me is what I have to contribute to the world. Maybe what I have to contribute to the world is me being successful.
I heard James Cameron, creator of the movies 'Titanic' and 'Avatar', say that he is thankful he was not helped, not given a hand up (I think he was referrring to when he was a kid and a young adult). He could see how not being helped had made him rely on himself, had forced him to believe in himself, had given him the opportunities to try on his own and experience successes.
Maybe having the opportunity to figure something out can lead to me feeling good about me. Maybe me feeling good about me can lead to believing in myself more. Maybe believing in myself more gives me the confidence to trust who I really am (WIRA). Maybe trusting in WIRA helps me hear the unique expression of me. Maybe the unique expression of me is what I have to contribute to the world. Maybe what I have to contribute to the world is me being successful.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Turning a Downward Spiral into an Upward One
Here are some questions that you could try when you catch yourself on a downward sprial.
We all want to feel good and right now I do not feel good. What's bothering me?
(My boss has implied I am not doing a good enough job.)
What am I believing about what's bothering me?
(That I am not good enough. I do not have value. I might loose my job. I don't know what I am doing.)
What is the Truth that 'Who I Really Am' knows about what is bothering me?
(My value and good 'enoughness' is never in question. If this job disappears it is because I am ready for a different one. Having questions and not knowing all the answers is the juice of life. Nothing is going wrong here. Who I Really am is really wanting to get my attention.)
Which do I choose to believe?
(That is up to me.)
We all want to feel good and right now I do not feel good. What's bothering me?
(My boss has implied I am not doing a good enough job.)
What am I believing about what's bothering me?
(That I am not good enough. I do not have value. I might loose my job. I don't know what I am doing.)
What is the Truth that 'Who I Really Am' knows about what is bothering me?
(My value and good 'enoughness' is never in question. If this job disappears it is because I am ready for a different one. Having questions and not knowing all the answers is the juice of life. Nothing is going wrong here. Who I Really am is really wanting to get my attention.)
Which do I choose to believe?
(That is up to me.)
A Lifetime of Happy
Posted to FaceBook Feb. 26th.
Some spend a lifetime looking for that which will make them happy.
Some spend a lifetime just being happy.
Some spend a lifetime looking for that which will make them happy.
Some spend a lifetime just being happy.
"I Create My Own Reality"
Posted to FaceBook Mar. 3rd
There are a number of sources to the quote, "I create my own reality," and there are even more understandings as to what that could mean.
I use to think that it meant I have to make (create) a good result (reality) in my life in order to feel good. I now realize, for me, it means I get to choose (create) how I want to perceive and feel about my results (reality) in life.
Interestingly enough, when I choose (create) how I want to perceive and feel about my results (reality), more results (reality) that feel like what I have choosen (created) seem to show up.
There are a number of sources to the quote, "I create my own reality," and there are even more understandings as to what that could mean.
I use to think that it meant I have to make (create) a good result (reality) in my life in order to feel good. I now realize, for me, it means I get to choose (create) how I want to perceive and feel about my results (reality) in life.
Interestingly enough, when I choose (create) how I want to perceive and feel about my results (reality), more results (reality) that feel like what I have choosen (created) seem to show up.
Our Contribution Is Being WWRA
Posted to FaceBook Mar. 5th
There are sayings like, "Words don't teach," "who you are is so loud I can't hear what you are saying," "actions speak louder than words," "lead by example," and "be the change you want to see." These seem to say that who I am being in the world is what matters most. It's not about what I say but about how I am being as I say it. It is not about what I am doing, but who I am being as I am doing it. Two examples of people contributing to my life because of who they really are, are my parents.
My years of depression were, I am sure, ones of huge struggle for my mother. I cannot imagine all that she was challenged with as she watched her daughter slide into the depths of the downward spiral. She did so much during that time trying to help. She tried to cheer me up. She tried to protect me from things that she thought might make matters worse. She took me to doctor appointment after doctor appointment trying to find someone/thing that would help. She got me to eat when I didn't want to, she cleaned up after my destructive bursts of rage, and she tried to reduce any stress I might have had. She encouraged me, chauffeured me, and gave me space when I could not handle anything more. But during those years, her biggest contribution, was not about what she said or did. Her biggest contribution was because of who she really is. Her biggest contribution was that she was able to remembered who her daughter really was even when there seemed to be no evidence of that part of me. She continued to know that I was not the depression I had been diagnosed with. She held the light of knowing who I really was until I could find it again and carry it myself. Her biggest contribution to me is because of who she really is -- a woman who believes.
My father has always done his utmost to do the right thing in life. He abides by our laws and rules, has always taken care of his family, and has contributed at his church his whole life. He spent a career trying to create the best working environment for those he managed, and do a good job at that which was his responsibility. He took his family on holidays to see and experience the world. He has always stood up for those less fortunate. He never passes a dog without giving it a pet. He spent hours with us as kids playing miniature golf, going for walks in the ravine, and swimming in the pool on holidays. But all those things he worked so hard to be and do, are not his biggest contribution to me. His biggest contribution is about who he really is. My dad has taught me to think and how to make up my own mind. He has taught me how to have an opinion (just ask my sister and I, we will tell you). Family discussions could become deep and heated, and if you were going to be a part of them, you had to know where you stood. My dad's contribution did not end up being what I should think (which was maybe what he was trying to impart), but how to figure out what I believed, and why. His biggest contribution to me is because of who he really is -- a man who has figured out his truth.
Who we really are speaks so loud it surpasses all that we say and do. So surrender to who you really are -- it is your biggest contribution.
There are sayings like, "Words don't teach," "who you are is so loud I can't hear what you are saying," "actions speak louder than words," "lead by example," and "be the change you want to see." These seem to say that who I am being in the world is what matters most. It's not about what I say but about how I am being as I say it. It is not about what I am doing, but who I am being as I am doing it. Two examples of people contributing to my life because of who they really are, are my parents.
My years of depression were, I am sure, ones of huge struggle for my mother. I cannot imagine all that she was challenged with as she watched her daughter slide into the depths of the downward spiral. She did so much during that time trying to help. She tried to cheer me up. She tried to protect me from things that she thought might make matters worse. She took me to doctor appointment after doctor appointment trying to find someone/thing that would help. She got me to eat when I didn't want to, she cleaned up after my destructive bursts of rage, and she tried to reduce any stress I might have had. She encouraged me, chauffeured me, and gave me space when I could not handle anything more. But during those years, her biggest contribution, was not about what she said or did. Her biggest contribution was because of who she really is. Her biggest contribution was that she was able to remembered who her daughter really was even when there seemed to be no evidence of that part of me. She continued to know that I was not the depression I had been diagnosed with. She held the light of knowing who I really was until I could find it again and carry it myself. Her biggest contribution to me is because of who she really is -- a woman who believes.
My father has always done his utmost to do the right thing in life. He abides by our laws and rules, has always taken care of his family, and has contributed at his church his whole life. He spent a career trying to create the best working environment for those he managed, and do a good job at that which was his responsibility. He took his family on holidays to see and experience the world. He has always stood up for those less fortunate. He never passes a dog without giving it a pet. He spent hours with us as kids playing miniature golf, going for walks in the ravine, and swimming in the pool on holidays. But all those things he worked so hard to be and do, are not his biggest contribution to me. His biggest contribution is about who he really is. My dad has taught me to think and how to make up my own mind. He has taught me how to have an opinion (just ask my sister and I, we will tell you). Family discussions could become deep and heated, and if you were going to be a part of them, you had to know where you stood. My dad's contribution did not end up being what I should think (which was maybe what he was trying to impart), but how to figure out what I believed, and why. His biggest contribution to me is because of who he really is -- a man who has figured out his truth.
Who we really are speaks so loud it surpasses all that we say and do. So surrender to who you really are -- it is your biggest contribution.
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